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Author Topic: Im too crazy.  (Read 1530 times)

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earthbrown8

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Im too crazy.
« on: July 16, 2013, 12:55:16 AM »

Even after a night of rest.  It didn't matter if the dreams were pleasant or turmoil in the course of the night.  Upon waking the first thoughts after the initial overwhelming flood of confusion the fog clouding the memory of the night before lifted.  In spite of the drinking the previous night he was able to remember what occurred before becoming weary and reaching the point of enough being enough.  Scouring his memory for any mishap or lapse of control that may have occurred.  Not sure how much time had passed but in spite of the excess and aging somehow the mental faculties still worked well enough.  In real time the time from waking up or coming to.  it depends how one looks at it.  Only seconds have passed.  Thats how fast the insanity starts.  Way it seemed to the being still lying in bed.  Seemed the ways known to find respite from the constant thinking never lasted.  It all started again the next day upon awakening.  One should be grateful to awake and open their eyes to a new day.  Yet not everyone does.  For many to see the sun rise is another day of struggle and disorganization in being and mind.  Every person deals with their stuff.  Some do better than others.  There isn't a body of flesh taking up space on this planet that isn't flawed in some way.  Yet some have the ability to master living.  It comes naturally to them.  They seem in tune to just how to be good and live their lives.  In spite of their flaws or any darkness that may befall them.  Barriers put in their path are but things to pass somehow.  They let nothing stop them or impede their will.  Yet there is also a force that tramples or devours anything that gets in their way.  Pigs who don't care about anyone else but themselves.  It's not fair to associate the pig to them as they are far beyond being of flesh or nature though no matter what Power they perceive themselves they are nothing more than flesh and bones. Their basic nature is that of a parasite. 
  In as complicated and intricate as life on the planet earth is.  Some seem to understand what it is all about.  The thing is bottom line every human being with a heart beat.  Who lives.  All basically just wants the same thing.  To live.  Everyone struggles with their difficulties.  Sometimes humans can direct their lives and what goes on in their lives.  Other times are uncertain filled with stress, dread and worry.  In as much as the Sun sets each night it also rises each day.  That is the basis of what the word Hope means.  That is what living is about. 
  When things get so dark and clouded.  Many will become lost beyond hope and never be found.  When one cannot see the lights and fires stoked by ones who love them in hopes of them seeing the beacon and endure to be found its cause they are so lost they just cannot see.
  There are too many aspects of being human for me to understand and I know anyone reading this will laugh and think Im an Asshole.  I don't care anymore.  I don't feel hope right now but Im loaded.
  I only wrote this to remind myself tomorrow is a new day.  And that Im really crazy and it kept me from thinking how much of an asshole i am.
 Im bailing on FTL.  Nothing Personal. I like the show.  Im just too ridiculously crazy.  Its pathetic.
Be well.
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sillyperson

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Re: Im too crazy.
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2013, 08:20:18 PM »

Seriously I hope you find a good counselor. They can help.
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