I guess I just don't get it. Am I stupid?
Sometimes yes and sometimes no but isn't everyone. You know you set yourself up for that one.
You are saying none of these off the rack Libertarian styles are a best fit for you . Then why don't you post your beliefs taylor made as to what kind of Libertarian you are.
Here are some more off the rack suggestions mostly for entertainment purposes:
The FENG SHUI Libertarian - You attempt to achieve the most harmonious arrangement of your beliefs in freedom that benefit you the greatest and harming others the least.
The Wanderlust Libertarian - You sway from one Libertarian arch type to another dependent upon who you are physically closest to at any give time and how much influence they have over you.
The Contrarian Libertarian - You love to attend meetings and debate endlessly about insignificant points. When a vote comes up and everyone agrees you will still vote no just to be different and difficult.
The Little Orphan Annie Libertarian - You feel orphaned by the other political parties as a candidate and this is your last shot at Daddy Warbucks so you join the Libertarian party to run for political office.