I've never had sex with a person to send a message to a third person.
Its always been "look at us, and look at what we're doing".
Theres always a thread of violence woven into sex, it's just how the primal reaction works. Its like a heavy garage door spring contains potential force, it could remain contained or it could be released. Respect and a desire to please are the mechanisms that control that power. Dominance and submissiveness are already pretty much established, but they tend to flow back and forth like a tug of war. In a healthy relationship, with able bodied participants, you'll struggle back and forth, sweating it out over a few scraps of the dominance, giving some, taking some, and end up spent and satisfied with a smile on your face.
Take away the respect, add a little hostility. Theres your grudgefuck.
Answer to the question, yes I've done it. Just yesterday, in fact. She'll be back for more. She wants to be treated rough and I'm happy to oblige.
I'd prefer a healthier exchange, but you take what you can get.