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16
General / Dalebert And My Anus
« on: April 06, 2011, 12:03:31 AM »
I survived!
After the horrible bone-shattering ordeal I just went through, that's all that seems important anymore...
My life was flashing before my eyes, I fully realistically thought I was gonna die...
But I survived!
I survived!
Survived!
I will be suffering post-traumatic stress disorder for the rest of my life, but I must, I simply must tell the tale...
I owe it to humanity and future generations.
Now bowel movements are not something you post about on a forum...
Not even this one...
But what happened to me today was a transcendent experience that changed my whole view of the universe!
I mean, what's so complicated about taking a dump?
Well, you see, I've recently came across a blog post by Dale Everett that touched me in a very profound way...
So I decided to quit my 1.5-year experiment with Veganism and go low-carb instead...
I had no idea what I was in for...
At first everything was a-OK... I guess it was just momentum...
But then things started to move a little differently...
And tonight, well... Only paranormal could explain this!
I mean I never believed in ghosts or UFO's, but what my anus just went through could have no earthly logical explanation...
There I was, sitting down with a nice new Perl book, and then...
OH HORRRROR!!!!
I knew I was in for the fight of my life!
Now I know someone coined the term "terdzilla" before, but that's several orders of magnitude different from what I was up against.
The South Park episode wasn't far off...
I mean, WTF! I'm a human being, right? How could this even be anatomically possible?!
The pain was so bad I actually hoped I would die like this and end my suffering...
And then the pain got worse!
And worse!
And worse!
You really need to believe in God to understand how big this turd was...
It was Biblical... Like the third testament of the miraculous, other-worldly, divinely-revealed gospel was coming out of my ass!
I tried to meditate and think about the cave with my power animal...
Unfortunately my power animal was a whale!
I thought about Ernest Hemingway and The Old Man And The Sea...
I thought about The Titanic - and I swear I could hear little tiny Leonardo DiCraprios running for lifeboats inside my ass!
I tried praying to several gods at once...
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of major anal rippage..
There was no getting away from it, the only thing I could do was scream!
And scream!
And scream!
But it just kept on coming!
And, I swear by everything that's good and decent in the world...
It was actually getting wider!
Oh no no no no no no!!!
Dale Everett, YOU DID THIS TO ME!
Ahhhhhh!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
ARGGGHGHGHGHAAAHAHGHGHTHGHG!
After the horrible bone-shattering ordeal I just went through, that's all that seems important anymore...
My life was flashing before my eyes, I fully realistically thought I was gonna die...
But I survived!
I survived!
Survived!
I will be suffering post-traumatic stress disorder for the rest of my life, but I must, I simply must tell the tale...
I owe it to humanity and future generations.
Now bowel movements are not something you post about on a forum...
Not even this one...
But what happened to me today was a transcendent experience that changed my whole view of the universe!
I mean, what's so complicated about taking a dump?
Well, you see, I've recently came across a blog post by Dale Everett that touched me in a very profound way...
So I decided to quit my 1.5-year experiment with Veganism and go low-carb instead...
I had no idea what I was in for...
At first everything was a-OK... I guess it was just momentum...
But then things started to move a little differently...
And tonight, well... Only paranormal could explain this!
I mean I never believed in ghosts or UFO's, but what my anus just went through could have no earthly logical explanation...
There I was, sitting down with a nice new Perl book, and then...
OH HORRRROR!!!!
I knew I was in for the fight of my life!
Now I know someone coined the term "terdzilla" before, but that's several orders of magnitude different from what I was up against.
The South Park episode wasn't far off...
I mean, WTF! I'm a human being, right? How could this even be anatomically possible?!
The pain was so bad I actually hoped I would die like this and end my suffering...
And then the pain got worse!
And worse!
And worse!
You really need to believe in God to understand how big this turd was...
It was Biblical... Like the third testament of the miraculous, other-worldly, divinely-revealed gospel was coming out of my ass!
I tried to meditate and think about the cave with my power animal...
Unfortunately my power animal was a whale!
I thought about Ernest Hemingway and The Old Man And The Sea...
I thought about The Titanic - and I swear I could hear little tiny Leonardo DiCraprios running for lifeboats inside my ass!
I tried praying to several gods at once...
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of major anal rippage..
There was no getting away from it, the only thing I could do was scream!
And scream!
And scream!
But it just kept on coming!
And, I swear by everything that's good and decent in the world...
It was actually getting wider!
Oh no no no no no no!!!
Dale Everett, YOU DID THIS TO ME!
Ahhhhhh!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
ARGGGHGHGHGHAAAHAHGHGHTHGHG!
17
General / Re: Who are we in Star Trek?
« on: April 05, 2011, 10:13:33 PM »
That depends on what type of a "libertarian" you're talking about:
- Some peacetard "shire" libertarians would probably consider any of the numerous happy little settler / native humanoid villages featured throughout the shows to be idyllic.
- Some libertarians are misogynist, in the sense that they believe gender roles are rational and produce an optimal family environment as well as optimal economic / demographic growth. So the Ferengi would qualify.
- DS9, while probably the most flawed series, had some "oppressed people under imperial occupation" episodes that some would consider libertarian. (Of course Babylon-5 did all of that so much better that DS9 as a whole is hardly worth remembering, but it did have a few good episodes. Like the one dealing with 20th century racism - though mishandled, still very powerful.)
- Risa - a pleasure planet.
- Data has always been my favorite Star Trek character, and with better writers he'd be a lot more Objectivist. Capitalist androids / AI FTW! At least in theory...
- As for me, IRL, I'm this guy:
18
General / Re: Depressing Poetry Contest
« on: April 05, 2011, 08:30:07 PM »
Lung cancer got me.
As I lay dying,
One final plea...
I'm shaking, I'm crying...
Please, make the world feel right,
I beg you, for one final moment,
Please, please give me a light,
End this torrent of torment!
Fine, insult and forget
Every word that I wrote,
Just... Put a lit cigarette
In the hole in my throat!
Without it I am lost.
Alone with no voice.
No matter the cost.
No hope. No choice.
With one foot in the grave,
How dare you deprive,
Me of that which I crave!
Give me Free Talk Live!
Yes, this is an addiction,
It won't love you back.
But I stand by my conviction,
Let the world fade to black.
As I lay dying,
One final plea...
I'm shaking, I'm crying...
Please, make the world feel right,
I beg you, for one final moment,
Please, please give me a light,
End this torrent of torment!
Fine, insult and forget
Every word that I wrote,
Just... Put a lit cigarette
In the hole in my throat!
Without it I am lost.
Alone with no voice.
No matter the cost.
No hope. No choice.
With one foot in the grave,
How dare you deprive,
Me of that which I crave!
Give me Free Talk Live!
Yes, this is an addiction,
It won't love you back.
But I stand by my conviction,
Let the world fade to black.
20
General / Re: Microsoft
« on: April 05, 2011, 08:22:29 AM »
I just came across an open source project that hits the communist quadfecta: it's GPL, it's Lispy, it's written at a "public" university, and it wastes lots of resources for a foolish goal. Also, IT'S NAMED AFTER JOSEPH STALIN! Though, to be fair, there also was a Microsoft Stalin project back in the 1990s, but eventually they changed the name to Bob. 
Positive Microsoft Headline RoundUp:
Positive Microsoft Headline RoundUp:
- Microsoft tops cloud service table (this is worth repeating)
- Bill Gates a ruthless businessman [/.] (well, I'm relieved)
21
General / Re: Russia Today gives U.S. liberty activist a top slot
« on: April 05, 2011, 05:39:45 AM »
State-controlled media powerhouse from a collapsing wanna-be superpower that ranks #142 in economic freedom picks up an Alex Jones wannabe radio show to hurt US interests....
This crosses the line. You can and should fight against American government bullshit, but not in a way that profits governments that are substantially worse! If not for the American iron fist, and if the Kremlin puppet-masters behind Russia Today had their way, all of Europe would look like Belarus by now (or worse), and much of Asia would look like North Korea!
This is the part where them NH Underground peace-tards get all intolerant, but I want the Putins of this world kept in their place, and the Private Sector does not yet have the ideological capital to do it. I want to work toward a world where it does, which makes me a war-mongering baby eater apparently... Reality be damned, let's just all just hug each-other and be "more peaceful than thou" as the Hitlers and Castros and Saddams and Putins of the world put billions into an early grave (with varying degree of direct responsibility)...
A liberal is an emotionalist ignorant of economics (and pretty much everything else). A libertarian is an emotionalist ignorant of geopolitics (and also of demographics, as discussed elsewhere). Never compromise ideologically, but never let the enemy trick you into a tactical betrayal of some of liberty's greatest achievers, no matter how imperfect they might be. Those that think rationally understand that the U.S. military and Pinochets and even cold warriors like McCarthy are the lesser of a whole pile of horrible evils!
This crosses the line. You can and should fight against American government bullshit, but not in a way that profits governments that are substantially worse! If not for the American iron fist, and if the Kremlin puppet-masters behind Russia Today had their way, all of Europe would look like Belarus by now (or worse), and much of Asia would look like North Korea!
This is the part where them NH Underground peace-tards get all intolerant, but I want the Putins of this world kept in their place, and the Private Sector does not yet have the ideological capital to do it. I want to work toward a world where it does, which makes me a war-mongering baby eater apparently... Reality be damned, let's just all just hug each-other and be "more peaceful than thou" as the Hitlers and Castros and Saddams and Putins of the world put billions into an early grave (with varying degree of direct responsibility)...
A liberal is an emotionalist ignorant of economics (and pretty much everything else). A libertarian is an emotionalist ignorant of geopolitics (and also of demographics, as discussed elsewhere). Never compromise ideologically, but never let the enemy trick you into a tactical betrayal of some of liberty's greatest achievers, no matter how imperfect they might be. Those that think rationally understand that the U.S. military and Pinochets and even cold warriors like McCarthy are the lesser of a whole pile of horrible evils!
22
General / Re: Yes, I deleted the Christian Anarchy thread
« on: April 05, 2011, 05:05:39 AM »
In my experience no existing forum has been good enough to handle the "venting" of my "hostilities" - in other words purely uncompromising rational and creative self-expression. I might need to build a new Internet from scratch in order to do it right. And, sorry, you're not invited - you've been the very part of the narrow-minded bullshit machine that's been holding me back. As of late my only purpose here is not to accomplish anything, but to document, day after day, that I have fulfilled my duty to myself and to Truth.
I will never know love, |
24
General / Re: Yes, I deleted the Christian Anarchy thread
« on: April 04, 2011, 04:12:55 AM »
Awesome! That means more Dalebert action on the forums that matter! 
Can you squeeze in a Faghate sequel by around June? Have your people call my people...
Can you squeeze in a Faghate sequel by around June? Have your people call my people...
25
General / Re: Web Browser Benchmarks
« on: April 04, 2011, 04:02:35 AM »
Yes, I am conspiring against AOL! I was a major AOL hater since 8th grade, because that's what all the idiots were using, while I used a dial-up MajorBBS which provided a UNIX shell (it was FreeBSD actually) and SLIP/PPP. Won't even e-mail a hot girl with an AOL address!
Seriously, modern AOL software is just Internet Explorer with a different interface thrown on top. IE, Firefox, Chrome, and Opera represent unique HTML5-compatible implementations. Safari shares the same base as Chrome, but it has a 5-10% market share (among a particularly coveted demographic of rich yuppies who like to overpay for shiny things) and it is sufficiently different from Chrome (i.e. a different performance-competitive JS engine) to warrant inclusion.
Seriously, modern AOL software is just Internet Explorer with a different interface thrown on top. IE, Firefox, Chrome, and Opera represent unique HTML5-compatible implementations. Safari shares the same base as Chrome, but it has a 5-10% market share (among a particularly coveted demographic of rich yuppies who like to overpay for shiny things) and it is sufficiently different from Chrome (i.e. a different performance-competitive JS engine) to warrant inclusion.
26
General / Re: Web Browser Benchmarks
« on: April 03, 2011, 10:51:52 AM »
My own benchmark results are delayed a bit, because my main goal is to benchmark the browsers on same (low-end / legacy) hardware with different operating systems, and I didn't get around to some of those OS'es just yet. Plus I decided to use this UNIX desktop hopping session to give "my long twilight struggle" against Nvidia driver crashes one final try...
I would very much like to see multi-OS benchmark results from other people as well. Windows has always been far ahead of Loonix in this regard (ex), but the benchmarks I've seen are now outdated, plus it can always be claimed that the Loonix system wasn't tweaked just right. So I'm wondering if any Loonix apologists on this forum can show Loonix best Windows... at anything...
In the meantime, here are some recent Windows 7 results from CNET:
IE9 seems to be a winner when it comes to games, and Chrome when it comes to raw JS performance. The tests won by Firefox are less significant, but it's clearly a fast well-rounded browser. As is Opera, which is absent from their test (Safari is also missing, but I wouldn't call it "well-rounded").
I would very much like to see multi-OS benchmark results from other people as well. Windows has always been far ahead of Loonix in this regard (ex), but the benchmarks I've seen are now outdated, plus it can always be claimed that the Loonix system wasn't tweaked just right. So I'm wondering if any Loonix apologists on this forum can show Loonix best Windows... at anything...
In the meantime, here are some recent Windows 7 results from CNET:
IE9 seems to be a winner when it comes to games, and Chrome when it comes to raw JS performance. The tests won by Firefox are less significant, but it's clearly a fast well-rounded browser. As is Opera, which is absent from their test (Safari is also missing, but I wouldn't call it "well-rounded").
27
General / Re: Ron Paul returns to New Hampshire
« on: April 02, 2011, 01:05:12 PM »[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0pkcqvnV2M[/youtube] |
In praise of how awesome this video is, and as part of my ongoing efforts to "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" forumspace, I'm gonna make this my epic Ron Paul 2012 thread!
The news on Drudge is "Bachmann outraises Romney", but "RON PAUL OUTRAISES BOTH"!
From Politico -- Exclusive: Ron Paul's $3M pot of gold --
Quote
Ron Paul raked in roughly $3 million during the first quarter through his various political organizations, POLITICO has learned.
Though not all of that money can be transferred to a potential presidential campaign, the big haul demonstrates Paul's continuing force as a grassroots-powered online fundraiser.
The Texas congressman raised $1 million through his federal PAC and $2 million through Campaign for Liberty, a 501C(4) which cannot transfer funds directly to political organizations. Paul’s fundraising documents, to be filed later Thursday with the FEC, will also show he has $1.7 million on hand in his congressional campaign account.
"Dr. Paul's fundraising comes almost exclusively from individuals, not special interests", LibertyPAC director Jesse Benton told POLITICO. "He received contributions from all 50 states, and his average gift this quarter was under $70, demonstrating his broad grassroots support.
"Dr. Paul's grassroots fundraising prowess is unmatched, and any 2012 political endeavor on which he embarks will have the financial backing it takes to win", Benton added.
Much of Paul's funds came via a Presidents' Day money bomb that netted $700,000 for his federal PAC. The money bomb was promoted through Paul's Facebook page and libertarian websites promising his fans that "if we show him enough support, he will announce his official candidacy for 2012".
28
General / Re: The most libertarian sport
« on: April 02, 2011, 01:37:18 AM »
Wrestlers are even allowed to say things I'm not allowed to say on this "free talk live" forum:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vj6c7VuErLw[/youtube]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vj6c7VuErLw[/youtube]
29
General / Re: The Stanford Prison Experiment
« on: April 02, 2011, 01:31:38 AM »
... just like the mods on this forum ...
30
General / Re: WrestleMania XXVII
« on: April 02, 2011, 01:03:28 AM »[Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant] |
Yeah, but the best match of WM3 was the one before it - Randy Savage vs Ricky Steamboat. (YouTube doesn't seem to have good video of the full match, but you can use the aforementioned torrent, only pick the third one, and skip around to find it.)
And... I still can't believe the epic arena that housed that performance in front of 93,173 fans was later liquidated for just $550k. (Just as I can't believe a thread we had about it here was deleted...)
[The Top Ten Moves of the Steiner Brothers] |
Scott turned out the better of the two. Great wrestling skills aren't enough for "sports entertainment", and Ric just wasn't drawing the crowed as much. Ya gotta know how to "sell it":
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUJsNB7T43s[/youtube]