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The Show / Im too crazy.
« on: July 16, 2013, 12:55:16 AM »
Even after a night of rest.  It didn't matter if the dreams were pleasant or turmoil in the course of the night.  Upon waking the first thoughts after the initial overwhelming flood of confusion the fog clouding the memory of the night before lifted.  In spite of the drinking the previous night he was able to remember what occurred before becoming weary and reaching the point of enough being enough.  Scouring his memory for any mishap or lapse of control that may have occurred.  Not sure how much time had passed but in spite of the excess and aging somehow the mental faculties still worked well enough.  In real time the time from waking up or coming to.  it depends how one looks at it.  Only seconds have passed.  Thats how fast the insanity starts.  Way it seemed to the being still lying in bed.  Seemed the ways known to find respite from the constant thinking never lasted.  It all started again the next day upon awakening.  One should be grateful to awake and open their eyes to a new day.  Yet not everyone does.  For many to see the sun rise is another day of struggle and disorganization in being and mind.  Every person deals with their stuff.  Some do better than others.  There isn't a body of flesh taking up space on this planet that isn't flawed in some way.  Yet some have the ability to master living.  It comes naturally to them.  They seem in tune to just how to be good and live their lives.  In spite of their flaws or any darkness that may befall them.  Barriers put in their path are but things to pass somehow.  They let nothing stop them or impede their will.  Yet there is also a force that tramples or devours anything that gets in their way.  Pigs who don't care about anyone else but themselves.  It's not fair to associate the pig to them as they are far beyond being of flesh or nature though no matter what Power they perceive themselves they are nothing more than flesh and bones. Their basic nature is that of a parasite. 
  In as complicated and intricate as life on the planet earth is.  Some seem to understand what it is all about.  The thing is bottom line every human being with a heart beat.  Who lives.  All basically just wants the same thing.  To live.  Everyone struggles with their difficulties.  Sometimes humans can direct their lives and what goes on in their lives.  Other times are uncertain filled with stress, dread and worry.  In as much as the Sun sets each night it also rises each day.  That is the basis of what the word Hope means.  That is what living is about. 
  When things get so dark and clouded.  Many will become lost beyond hope and never be found.  When one cannot see the lights and fires stoked by ones who love them in hopes of them seeing the beacon and endure to be found its cause they are so lost they just cannot see.
  There are too many aspects of being human for me to understand and I know anyone reading this will laugh and think Im an Asshole.  I don't care anymore.  I don't feel hope right now but Im loaded.
  I only wrote this to remind myself tomorrow is a new day.  And that Im really crazy and it kept me from thinking how much of an asshole i am.
 Im bailing on FTL.  Nothing Personal. I like the show.  Im just too ridiculously crazy.  Its pathetic.
Be well.

The Show / nothing can redeem me
« on: July 04, 2013, 11:33:29 PM »
its all hopeless, it seems. when normal seems to come to some so easily. for so many but not so for me.  Apparently.
anyone reading what I write can scoff, laugh and ridicule.  me
Its natural reaction for so many I see
fuck it. I don't care what anyone thinks. finally.  Not the oppressors, trolls or dark hearts.  Bite me.  and go fuck yourselves.
yet I hop you find Peace, as much as i wish it for me.

The Show / to those who make FTL what it is
« on: June 03, 2013, 10:43:50 PM »
Times when all goes well. Perfect times when upon reflecting one sees how good it is. Just to be. Meeting with others of like minds and enjoying the kindness of having great times and just being alive.
When hearts meet and find a source of energy that in their beings attracted the kind. Who dosnt mind saying what they think. Screaming at the top of their lungs if need be.
Unafraid of anything. Bold as the sunshine. On the frontline. Of peace and a goal that someday the aggression will end. The taking away of what is basic to the freedoms that have been taken away.

I've been listening to the show for a while.  When I think about what's gone down and surmise in total what this is all about.  Trolls or A holes or lousy crank callers or whatever. 

Cant drown out, the good radio sound Ian and Mark and the dedicated who run with them put out.  It's a good thing.  That will bring positive and change and good things.

Serious Business / ive hit bottom
« on: April 07, 2013, 03:22:42 AM »
i am probably totally getting this whole section or topic wrong in posting here but I really just need to " say" this.  I am sure likely I;ll end up looking odd and inappropriate. 
I'm don't think or really know what is going on at this point.  I can do what I have to in order to live.  Survive.  I'm labeled with a mood disorder.  Bi polar 2.  I won't take psyche meds.  I hate them.  They don't help.  In ways they do but honestly They suck.  Yet so does my attitude. 

I've really gone down hill.  I have lost the ability to interact as a reasonable person in real life and as well as my being a fan or FTL and LRN or in every instance of dealing with people.  I don't know if any of you realize how disturbing it is to see how much a person like me can go into these modes where everything I do is crazy and just digs the hole I'm trying to climb out of deeper.  I realize that people who don't struggle with mood disorders or addiction problems would find it easy just to look down their noses at someone and disregard them.  So far I have found that very apparent and it has finally sunk in that I am too crazy to think I could add anything to FTL or the liberty thing.  I've always acknowledged that Im too messed up for them to want me to go to NH.  If I signed up to move to the free state I would get an email back telling me," Howard, No hard feelings.  but just stay where you are."
for real. 
Cause I am this crazy, illiterate guy.  Honestly.  I've met far more compassionate and accepting people among stoners and people who are focused on cannabis and stuff like that than this liberty stuff. 

Thing about FTL or this thing going on there. I have met some really cool people as far a chatting with them.  I really expected to find more chilled out people.  It must be me.  I freak people out.  I know it must be I'm more of an A hole than I am capable of accepting.

No matter what anyone want to judge me as or whatever.  None of you really know me and I acknowledge everything I do lately as far as my wish to interact amicalbly just seems to turn to dog poop. 

I apologize to anyone I offended.  I am done. hIf I ever post again here or go on FTL chat I'd be better off just hitting myself in the head with a hammer first.  As dark as things are for me now its the same.  I have to disappear.  I've embarrassed myself too much and I don't think there is any redemption from this time.  AA, God or anything has enough power to make me well.


The Show / i call
« on: April 04, 2013, 10:31:17 PM »
they think im the biggest asshole in the world. 
im just a fan and listener.  I stuggle with life but I am a human being with thoughts and I feel.
to share with them and have them turn around and ridicule me is just not right.
too busy to take a minutes to explain their disdain.  Ian hates me, Mark is alright.

 heard this saying from someone a long time ago. It always struck me as clever and for me very true. This person said," I don't have a problem with weed. I have a problem when I don't have any!" I never forgot that and from the moment I heard it I couldn't have agreed more.  I have been saying that to anyone who will listen to me  and usually get a laugh just as the guy who I stole it from always seemed to.
 I love cannabis. My belief in the benefits I attain from the use of this helpful plant are clear to me.  From the first time I heard about it from my baby sitter as a grade schooler I was immediately interested in it.  The first time I actually got high after smoking it half a dozen times without effect, I loved it.  It was like nothing I had ever experienced in my life and was so pleasurable and felt like I was placed in front of a Spiritual Being.  I bow in respect to cannabis.  In spite of human beings flaws and that some may blame cannabis for their difficulties I believe it is truly a helpful plant and the problems people may experience from it all come back to themselves and making excuses for their behaviors and actions.  I believe what I believe and as with any subject that people find passion for their are frequently many differences of opinion.  Humans seem so challenged to agree at times and I think the one true fact about human nature is everyone is different.  We all like different things. Have different tastes and beliefs.  Even though some of these negative things may attributed to cannabis use it really isn't to blame.  Any person on this planet who chooses to consume cannabis makes the conscious decision to use it or not. If one finds ill effects, it is also up to them to make the changes in their lives to alleviate the difficulties one faces in their daily lives.  If one is feeling they are using cannabis to excess or that it is not benefitting them, the answer is to stop using it. Cut down or take a break.  It's really not that hard of a concept to grasp.  As a person who has struggled with addiction issues his whole life and has experienced the ill effects of mood disorder and depression.  If a person wants to do something.  They can.  If someone feels cannabis isn't helping them or they feel they want to live their lives with out the benefits a sacred herb can give there are plenty of things one can do other than get high.  My point is if one isn't feeling well in life and what they had found to help them in the past is no longer working the right thing to do is find what will help oneself.
 I will say in the years that I have been smoking I have learned some things that I do believe have helped me during the course of my life.  The reality is the way I have lived my life in the past was no where near what could be described as healthy living. I have not walked an easy path.  Admittedly due to my poor decision making and way I lived.  If Life was fair I really should be dead.  I have been so lucky and the second chances and seeming  miraculous instances where somehow I was able to keep my dumb ass out of trouble really are astounding.  I look back on all the times when things could have gone so wrong and somehow I was able to get by.  I see how lucky I have been.  I tell the stories of my experiences in the past and many a time the person I am telling the tale to gets angry with me.  They share that they went through the same thing but suffered far worse consequences than I did.  By the looks on their faces at first their expression of anger and slight disbelief to the reality of the past event I just described.  More is how did this Jerk do this.  I am sure they immediately think to themselves," this Guy is Crazy!" Why would they give him a break and have busted me and my life so miserable?"
 Wake and bake is a very nice thing.  For a Stoners its really just like daily bread.  Breathing.  I have always loved it.  Yet despite how most would think a person who smoked or used cannabis as soon as they awoke would be an unproductive morning routine.  The complete opposite is true.  Many people start their days by getting high.  Aside from that for many who struggle in life it is something that makes even waking up and dealing with another day of this world.  Not everyone in life is happy and glad to be here.  People with depression, or mood disorder problems often struggle so much with just doing their best to live their daily lives had they the choice they would commit suicide and be done with all the ugliness and struggle.  A person who finds the use of a plant to help them live.  Is no different than people who are taking prescription Psych medications to try to help themselves. A fact is for many Cannabis is far more helpful at alleviating mood disorder issues than any of the drugs used not to help with depression.  We all know the reason is that pharmaceutical companies don't want people to be able to use a natural remedy that can help them as they just want to push their chemicals and reap the Mass Profits.
 Though things have changed in the US in recent years.  The awesome ability for people in the very few states that have medical Marijuana programs is a very cool thing.  Even though the Feds still will harass, persecute and crucify anyone they go after.  So much has changed for many.  In states with safe access people can enjoy so many benefits of cannabis.  It's really not a big deal and anyone who knows anything about cannabis agrees.  There are so many ways to utilize it.  Smoking, vaping, Ingesting.  Topical ointments and tinctures.  So many people find ways that with the help of a natural plant helps them more than anything.
 For a person who finds cannabis helps them in their daily lives.  Who is just a human being.  Works hard.  Loves their family. Pays their taxes or in any other way than using a plant does not break any of the laws and regulations put upon them.  They are no different than the picture perfect right wing type.  They are really the same with the exception one person may have a drink and another may like to smoke.  It's no different.  So many people use cannabis who are key figures in society and they keep it secret.  Who can blame them.  When a person can lose everything they own just because an unjust government chooses to persecute them because of a plant.  The oppressors are already waiting for anyone who steps out of line so they can leach their wealth as it is.  The indignities that await anyone with assets that the government chooses to destroy because they use a plant is unforgiveable.

Bottom line.  the basis of me writing all this is to share this.

If you listen to these tips it might help.

1. Anyone that you don't know.  Automatically consider them a Cop.
2. Avoid smoking and driving.  If you do chose to use cannabis while driving avoid smoking Joints. They reek too much.  Best practice is to take one hits out of a pipe of a dug out.  have some type of air freshener handy or a cigarette.  I like to call tobacco ' white trash Incense".  it can mask the smell of cannabis.  Best thing is don't smoke and drive. ones chances of getting nailed just is greater.  Wait till you get home or somewhere cool.
3. if you are ever unfortunate enough to get busted.  Keep your mouth shut. The cops will try to get you to give up someone to save yourself.  Don't listen to them and know that one who dimes out someone is the worst person.  Cannabis is just a plant and anyone who sells it is a Benefactor.  Some of the bravest people I hold as  heroes and great esteem are the ones who take the great risks that helping others obtain the sacred herb can lead to.  Keep you mouth shut! It's all underground.  It's cannabis. A helpful plant. Its not rock or dope. It's not a Narcotic. All drugs should be legal and a personal choice but cannabis is not anything near what dope is.  Some things in life are best left untouched.  So bad for a person.  Meth, Rock, Dope, pills. Yeah. anyone smart knows. Stay away if you know what's good for ya.  Illl tell ya.  Save yourself a lot of pain and avoid that stuff.  Cannabis is not the same thing.  Alcohol is not good but its legal and accepted?  Anyone who has used cannabis and alcohol knows what I am saying is accurate.
 So I could go on forever with  my writing but I am ending this article now with just the hope that someday people will see cannabis is just a plant that helps people.

The Show / Goodbye. goodbye goodbye
« on: September 27, 2012, 10:21:08 PM »
I am done with FTL. none of you will miss miss me.  You wouldn't have wanted me anyway. Take care. I will tell this. I won't be voting for any of these A holes. I'm going to write in Marc Emery's name and yes I know he is A Canadian.
I also think many of  you got your noses in the air. You don't see how every human being has some ability to help.  So I am gone. I am not gonna listen ever again.  Do anything to support this show or anything that I think is of any support. later. have fun thinking you guys are so cool.

Episodes & Show Prep / 12-7 show
« on: January 08, 2012, 09:52:55 AM »
that brain washed AA twelve stepper Chris.  he did all twelve step programs a disservice.  what a closed minded person.  I pity anyone who is forced to have to be part of that cult.  just cause he cant use cannabis responsibly he would deny all? 

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