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Messages - Jackson

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Only appliance that really needs improved in my kitchen is my wife. Started cooking healthy shit, puts dishes in the wrong cabinet. hell, she hasn't even made hot, monkey love to me on the kitchen table in over 30 years. Maybe I didn't read the instruction manual right when I got her.

Don't think you could improve on her, though.

General / Re: Question
« on: August 22, 2009, 12:09:39 AM »

I've never heard of bacon pop tarts. 

That is the best idea I've heard in months. I'm making some tomorrow. With peanut butter!

General / Re: my sexual fantasy
« on: July 21, 2009, 07:31:24 PM »
Seriously, why is not having sex considered to be a bad thing by so many people?  :?

Ask me again when you've been married 33 years. Oh, wait, you probably won't have to.

Do what works for you. Wish I would have had your will-power when I was younger. Probably wouldn't have used it, but would have been nice to have had the option.

General / Re: The King is Dead!
« on: June 26, 2009, 10:06:54 AM »
I heard it will be the first autopsy ever performed by Madame Tussauds's Wax Museum. They will then melt him down and make Lego's so little kids can play with him for a change.

General / Re: Excellent breasts.
« on: June 15, 2009, 08:03:25 PM »

I agree. What is with all the shaved snatch these days? Trimmed is cool, but bald makes you feel like a child molester.

There were a couple of Witnesses who used to come to my house several times a week, usually when I was busy. I tried being polite and explaining thatI had my own belief system and would prefer they did not come by. When leaving one said "I will pray for you." I answered "Thanks - I'll sacrifice a chicken for you."

They never came back.

General / Re: Human Egoism - Pet Ownership is a Moral Flaw
« on: April 22, 2009, 10:40:14 PM »
I would bet that your parents wish they had gotten a dog or a cat rather than having you.

General / Re: The Question Thread
« on: March 15, 2009, 12:27:29 AM »
1.  Name one person-- character, not actor-- on a TV show that you would have sex with.    Any TV show, throughout time. 

Max Guevara on Dark Angel, (the adult version played by Jessica Alba).

2.  What would you have for dinner tonight if it could be anything, prepared instantly, by an excellent chef?

Damn near anything, as long as it was served on Jessica Alba's naked body.

3.  You go to prison for five years.  What crime would make it most worth it?  "No crime" is not an acceptable answer. 

Licking the platter clean, after eating my meal in question 2.

The Polling Pit / Re: Your favorite series.
« on: March 10, 2009, 11:07:10 PM »
'T.H.E. Cat', 'My Living Doll',  "Doctor, Doctor", 'Northern Exposure", 'Twin Peaks'.

General / Re: Brag Here
« on: March 10, 2009, 11:55:59 AM »
I broke 100 (96) on the golf course today

So did I - but then screwed up on the second hole.

General / Re: Sword of Truth is being made into a TV show!!!
« on: February 28, 2009, 11:46:24 PM »
Noooo!  Hulu evil! 

I don't know about evil, but the commercial with Eliza Dushku with the straw and licking her lips gives me some very inappropriate ideas.


The Polling Pit / Re: If you had to eat human beings...
« on: February 15, 2009, 10:41:33 AM »
I prefer to eat humans in the 69 position, with the lady on top.

General / Re: Show Yourselves Part 3
« on: February 06, 2009, 10:33:38 PM »

I'm so envious of natural bright redheads...or old ladies with gray hair. Those are the only two colors I've never been able to get my hair.

Try raising 3 teenage daughters - it sure turned my wife's hair gray naturally.

Of course, being married to me couldn't be a factor.

I'd be a lesbian, trying to steal Ellen Degeneres' wife.

General / Re: Pictures of Your Pets!
« on: January 17, 2009, 11:23:17 PM »

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