Your real miranda rights

[Frost]

From here.

Miranda in the light of Olofson:

You have the right to remain silent and refuse to answer questions. Not that it will do you any good. Do you understand?

Anything you do say, or we say you say if we have more witnesses than you, will be used against you in a court of law, if we think we can get away with it. Do you understand?

You have the right to consult an attorney before speaking to the police and to have an attorney present during questioning now or in the future. You will not have a chance to challenge our lack of standards or scientific method in our lab results and your expert witness will not be allowed to witness anything if we can help it. Do you understand?

If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you before any questioning if you wish, not that the sorry bastard will be worth anything or even be quick-witted enough when we deny him exculpatory material because we claim it is tax information. Do you understand?

If you decide to answer questions now without an attorney present you will still have the right to stop answering at any time until you talk to an attorney, unless we can scare you by threatening your wife and kids, or find some way to wheedle it out of her at the scene. Do you understand?

Knowing and understanding your rights as I have explained them to you, are you willing to answer my questions without an attorney present? Because, remember it won't matter anyway, for your ass is ours. If the facts don't fit our case against you we will trim them. If the lab results come back showing your innocence, we will redo them until they agree with our preconception. If the US Attorney discovers we've messed up, he will ignore it. And if the Appeals Court even sees your case, they will be loathe to overturn it. We do all this to keep our system well-stocked with blackmailed snitches. Do you understand?