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Author Topic: What About An Egg Salad Sandwich?  (Read 7948 times)

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Amazing Richard

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What About An Egg Salad Sandwich?
« on: April 28, 2011, 10:26:09 PM »
One could easily make their own egg salad sandwich at home, and 9 times out of 10, it will be more satisfying than pizza.

Would anybody concur with me on this statement?
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Turd Ferguson

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Re: What About An Egg Salad Sandwich?
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2011, 10:42:04 PM »
Yuck

Heres an idea.....

- Boil 5 eggs and eat them all at once

- Drink a half gallon of warm whole milk

- Eat a few stalks of celery

- Get one of those big wooden spoons and scoop yourself out about 5 big ass spoonfulls of the Miracle Whip and gulp it down as fast as you can

- Put two pieces of Wonder Bread in your pockets (this comes in later)

- Chain smoke a whole pack of lucky strikes, non-filter, inhale deeply and hold

- After following the above steps, immediately go outside on a 105 degree day, walk out in the middle of the street and start doing pushups on the hot asphalt

- When you cant do any more of those, stand back up and do as many jumping-jacks as your body will allow you to do

- Soon you should feel the urge to vomit

- Take the two pieces of bread out of your pocket and catch as much of the vomit between the two pieces of bread that you possibly can

- Eat







Same exact shit.
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anarchir

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Re: What About An Egg Salad Sandwich?
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2011, 10:54:48 PM »
I agree with Quickmike 100% on this one. YUCK
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Amazing Richard

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Re: What About An Egg Salad Sandwich?
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2011, 11:34:16 PM »
Let me tell you guys how to make a REAL egg salad sandwich.

Rule #1: DO NOT INCORPORATE CELERY!!!

I typically use 2 eggs to make one sandwich. Add some salt, mayo. If you are not too lazy, you may want to chop up a bit of onion and stick it into the mix.

The main secret is that the wonder bread has to be slightly toasted.

DO NOT cut the sandwich to make 2 triangles....instead cut it the other way.

If you follow these very basic instructions, I believe that I will make you a believer.

You will also want to eat the sandwich over a plate, cuz the contents are likely to plop out of the bread. When this occurs, you scoop up the contents that fell on the plate...WITH THE SANDWICH, ITSELF!!!! ....and continue to eat.
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Bill Brasky

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Re: What About An Egg Salad Sandwich?
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2011, 11:41:25 PM »
Mark it zero.  



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Turd Ferguson

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Re: What About An Egg Salad Sandwich?
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2011, 11:45:12 PM »
No offense to one of your fav foods Richard, but I'd rather sew my mouth to my anus for sustenance.

Cant count the number of times people have said "oh, but mike, this egg salad is DIFFERENT, my grandma doesn't make it like anyone else and people all the time that talk just like you end up liking it" so im like , ok, what the fuck, I'll try....... take a bite........ GOD DAMMIT...... fooled again!!!

Wont get fooled again.
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Bill Brasky

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Re: What About An Egg Salad Sandwich?
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2011, 11:57:32 PM »
Quote from: quickmike on April 28, 2011, 11:45:12 PM

Cant count the number of times people have said "oh, but mike, this egg salad is DIFFERENT...

You probably need to readjust the horizontal axis on the kitchen furnishings a few times, and speak in a clear and authoritative tone "I do not like egg salad". 
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Turd Ferguson

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Re: What About An Egg Salad Sandwich?
« Reply #7 on: April 29, 2011, 12:06:25 AM »
 :lol:

I'll remember that next time.
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Amazing Richard

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Re: What About An Egg Salad Sandwich?
« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2011, 12:45:11 AM »
Quote from: quickmike on April 28, 2011, 11:45:12 PM
No offense to one of your fav foods Richard, but I'd rather sew my mouth to my anus for sustenance.

Cant count the number of times people have said "oh, but mike, this egg salad is DIFFERENT, my grandma doesn't make it like anyone else and people all the time that talk just like you end up liking it" so im like , ok, what the fuck, I'll try....... take a bite........ GOD DAMMIT...... fooled again!!!

Wont get fooled again.

Do you realize who you are dealing with? I'm not yer friend's grandma. If I say that I have knowledge in regards to quality egg salad, then I really think you would do good to take my words seriously.
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Turd Ferguson

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Re: What About An Egg Salad Sandwich?
« Reply #9 on: April 29, 2011, 12:55:21 AM »
Quote from: Princess Pubella on April 29, 2011, 12:45:11 AM
Quote from: quickmike on April 28, 2011, 11:45:12 PM
No offense to one of your fav foods Richard, but I'd rather sew my mouth to my anus for sustenance.

Cant count the number of times people have said "oh, but mike, this egg salad is DIFFERENT, my grandma doesn't make it like anyone else and people all the time that talk just like you end up liking it" so im like , ok, what the fuck, I'll try....... take a bite........ GOD DAMMIT...... fooled again!!!

Wont get fooled again.

Do you realize who you are dealing with? I'm not yer friend's grandma. If I say that I have knowledge in regards to quality egg salad, then I really think you would do good to take my words seriously.



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hellbilly

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Re: What About An Egg Salad Sandwich?
« Reply #10 on: April 29, 2011, 06:59:02 PM »
Quote from: quickmike on April 28, 2011, 11:45:12 PM
No offense to one of your fav foods Richard, but I'd rather sew my mouth to my anus for sustenance.

Cant count the number of times people have said "oh, but mike, this egg salad is DIFFERENT, my grandma doesn't make it like anyone else and people all the time that talk just like you end up liking it" so im like , ok, what the fuck, I'll try....... take a bite........ GOD DAMMIT...... fooled again!!!

Wont get fooled again.

Probably not sliced correctly. R3 clearly stated: "DO NOT cut the sandwich to make 2 triangles....instead cut it the other way. ", which is likely some obscure Hermetical ruling.
« Last Edit: April 29, 2011, 07:01:06 PM by hellbilly »
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Fred

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Re: What About An Egg Salad Sandwich?
« Reply #11 on: April 29, 2011, 07:00:15 PM »
Make your egg salad.  Put it in the fridge for about 3 hours before eating.  Alot like the insides of deviled eggs the way I make it.  Not bad, and cheap!
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YixilTesiphon

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Re: What About An Egg Salad Sandwich?
« Reply #12 on: April 29, 2011, 07:31:35 PM »
Blargh. An egg chopped up in a salad is alright, and scrambled with hot peppers and sausage is pretty good. But straight egg? No thanks.
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Fred

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Re: What About An Egg Salad Sandwich?
« Reply #13 on: April 29, 2011, 07:40:26 PM »
Its not dry egg - it has jalepenos, relish, little mustard, mayonaise, salt, pepper, chopped olives, and whatever else you have on hand.
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Riddler

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Re: What About An Egg Salad Sandwich?
« Reply #14 on: April 29, 2011, 08:15:58 PM »
the wife made egg salad last week.

smelled like the septic tank dude overturned his truck in my kitchen.

foul
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