I make a jumbotronic lasagna roughly the size of a bag of concrete about once a year. People admire it.
My bro-in-law had a kid a few years ago, around the holidays, and I killed two birds with one stone 'cause he gets wicked happy when I make it, so it was a xmas gift and new baby gift. I'm weird like that, but he digs it more than anything else I could give him.
So, I made him this big honkin lasagna in an 18x24x5 pan, fuckin thing weighed about 30 lbs. Throwaway pan for catering, with the heavy gauge wire supporting the bottom and ending in handles, like a laundry basket.
I deliver the thing hot out of the oven, with garlic bread (of course) and he's HolyFuckin! all over the house, all kinds of happy. Eats a big slice, we all had some. Damn good stuff, loaded with ricotta-cheddar-mozz custom blend ala Brasky, and my patented meat sauce which is also noted for excellence, and won the Italian Datsagood Award nine years in a row.
Theres still a cubic yard left, 2/3 pan at least. He's gonna freeze a few pieces, have some tomorrow, he's got long term plans for this lasagna. Joy and abundance is prevalent on this fine day.
Next day he goes to work, and his idiot-bitch has her family over the house, and feeds 'em the whole fucking thing. Gone.
He comes home from work, with visions of heaping portions of my delicious gift clouding his mind, he'd dreamed of this moment since dawn and all through the day of labor and toil. Gone? GONE!!? YOU. FUCKING. BITCH!!! HE DIDN'T MAKE THAT FUCKING THING TO FEED YOUR SCUMBAG WELFARE PILLHEAD ASSHOLE FAMILY!!!!!
The battle was epic, the romance and cheer of the holiday fractured, things were destroyed shattered and stomped. Children ran in fear of the raging behemoth bellowing in blind starving fitful delirium.
I still hear about it every christmas, like the day the earth stood still, or Pearl Harbor. Remember that Lasagna you made...? Yeah, whistfully. I've never made him another, and when he hears of me making a lasagna, a dark cloud crosses over his features and you can see the scene replaying behind his eyes, that bitch...
God.. I love lasagna, and I make a killer one too, but I've figured out a way to split the one recipe into several pans, so... instead of eating yummy hot fresh lasagna once, we have one in the freezer to pop in and voila, just as good as new. And no, it's not rocket science, I just split the recipe.
It's SOOO fattening though? I haven't made it in months for that reason, but. Thanks for the inspiration, I will make some tomorrow.