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Author Topic: The problem with cheating in the FSP movement  (Read 4794 times)

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sillyperson

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Re: The problem with cheating in the FSP movement
« Reply #15 on: April 08, 2010, 09:03:58 PM »

The greatest thing about monogamy is not having to deal with all the bullshit of seeking out sex partners, dealing with their crap, dealing with all the goddamn drama and effort.

Yeah, a monogamous relationship is a lot of work too, and can be a PITA sometimes, but it's a lot less of a PITA than any alternatives I can think of.

alaric89

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Re: The problem with cheating in the FSP movement
« Reply #16 on: April 09, 2010, 03:09:24 AM »

Therefore if my wife wanted to fuck some other poor dude I would stop myself from getting all bent out of shape about it. If she wants to do another chick I will ....deal with that as well.

Then why get married? Stay single and sleep around all you want. Or be swingers, or whatever. But if your SO has sex with someone else, knowing you wouldn't approve, it is a betrayal of trust and commitment. Has nothing to do with jealousy.

Also, it's not just a lie, sex has risks. You are not only betraying trust and commitment, but you are actively putting your SO at risk of disease and pregnancy, or at least having to deal with them.

So, what do we have here -

Betrayal of trust
Betrayal of a commitment (Verging on breech of contract, depending)
Willfully exposing someone to disease
Willfully exposing someone to financial risks (Pregnancy)
Willingly exposing someone to a possible moral dilemma (Abortion)

Fuck that. You wanna fuck around, don't get married or marry a swinger.

Also, I don't wanna sound accusatory, but almost every single person I've ever heard make your argument has had cards they weren't showing. As in they cheated on people one or more times and don't want to feel bad about it.

Where in that post do we disagree? I hate Liars. Without the lie it is impossible to cheat.
Look I'm 40 and married to a 28 year old who wears me out. I tried to satisfy and put up with another woman I'd have a stroke. But I have friends who swing I don't judge their lifestyle.
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Sam Gunn (since nobody got Admiral Naismith)

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Re: The problem with cheating in the FSP movement
« Reply #17 on: April 09, 2010, 03:13:55 AM »

Therefore if my wife wanted to fuck some other poor dude I would stop myself from getting all bent out of shape about it. If she wants to do another chick I will ....deal with that as well.

Then why get married? Stay single and sleep around all you want. Or be swingers, or whatever. But if your SO has sex with someone else, knowing you wouldn't approve, it is a betrayal of trust and commitment. Has nothing to do with jealousy.

Also, it's not just a lie, sex has risks. You are not only betraying trust and commitment, but you are actively putting your SO at risk of disease and pregnancy, or at least having to deal with them.

So, what do we have here -

Betrayal of trust
Betrayal of a commitment (Verging on breech of contract, depending)
Willfully exposing someone to disease
Willfully exposing someone to financial risks (Pregnancy)
Willingly exposing someone to a possible moral dilemma (Abortion)

Fuck that. You wanna fuck around, don't get married or marry a swinger.

Also, I don't wanna sound accusatory, but almost every single person I've ever heard make your argument has had cards they weren't showing. As in they cheated on people one or more times and don't want to feel bad about it.
+1

Some people are never going to be monogamous.  Those people should be honest with themselves and their SOs.
Then maybe they shouldn't get married.
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John Shaw

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Re: The problem with cheating in the FSP movement
« Reply #18 on: April 09, 2010, 01:11:27 PM »

Where in that post do we disagree? I hate Liars. Without the lie it is impossible to cheat.

Well, this isn't necessarily true. Most people don't actually sit down and discuss the terms of a relationship before entering into it, and most people who cheat never say a word about it, so often there's no lying going on at all, just the betrayal of trust.

But I understand what you are saying.

I am, however, uncomfortable agreeing that people who don't approve of open relationships and aren't looking for them have issues with jealousy.

It seemed that that was what you were saying in the post I responded to.
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BobRobertson

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Re: The problem with cheating in the FSP movement
« Reply #19 on: April 09, 2010, 01:28:12 PM »

Most people don't actually sit down and discuss the terms of a relationship before entering into it

Seriously, get it in writing.

I know that sounds cold and heartless, but it is very important in a long-term relationship to be able to say "Yes, you did. Here it is."
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alaric89

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Re: The problem with cheating in the FSP movement
« Reply #20 on: April 09, 2010, 02:28:34 PM »

Where in that post do we disagree? I hate Liars. Without the lie it is impossible to cheat.

I am, however, uncomfortable agreeing that people who don't approve of open relationships and aren't looking for them have issues with jealousy.

It seemed that that was what you were saying in the post I responded to.

Response:That not being jealous thing is one of my little rules for myself. With that said, I have to admit that I have never been cheated on.(that I know of) I am clueless to what my real life reaction might be.

New story along line of thread: My best Friend had his wife leave him for a guy she cheated with. (lied, fucked, stole to be with..... Rocco Sigfredi would call her a cheater)
The guy she took off with is going through hell. My buddy is now successfully self employed, and has a hot girlfriend.
He was actually depressed when she left. I said "good riddance."
Love it when I'm right.
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sandm000

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Re: The problem with cheating in the FSP movement
« Reply #21 on: April 09, 2010, 02:52:32 PM »

Specify in your vows (or marriage contract) what level of fidelity is expected.

ie I would expect notice within 24 hours of your sleeping with another individual in order to decide how the relationship will proceed. If after 72 hours a decision has not been made, the marriage will continue to be executed.
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Bill Brasky

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Re: The problem with cheating in the FSP movement
« Reply #22 on: April 09, 2010, 06:29:23 PM »


Your personal behavior contracts are good for nothing. 
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TimeLady Victorious

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Re: The problem with cheating in the FSP movement
« Reply #23 on: April 10, 2010, 01:36:03 AM »


Your personal behavior contracts are good for nothing. 

this

also, I'm 100% sure Ayn Rand was the MAN in her relationship with O'Connor, so she could have gotten away with anything there
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Kevin Freeheart

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Re: The problem with cheating in the FSP movement
« Reply #24 on: April 15, 2010, 07:14:27 PM »

Quote
The greatest thing about monogamy is not having to deal with all the bullshit of seeking out sex partners, dealing with their crap, dealing with all the goddamn drama and effort.

Yeah, a monogamous relationship is a lot of work too, and can be a PITA sometimes, but it's a lot less of a PITA than any alternatives I can think of.

That's only because you're not confident in your ability to get laid very often. ;)
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ForumTroll

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Re: The problem with cheating in the FSP movement
« Reply #25 on: April 15, 2010, 07:28:00 PM »

I wonder what Ian thinks about this subject.
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