The 24 types of libertarian

[libertylover]

Whoever the cartoonist is they left out a group of Libertarians.  The Povertarians unless that is suppose to be represented by the Leftist Libertarian which would be incorrect.  The accusation was that the 2006 Libertarian National convention was held out in Portland, Oregon to help keep the Povertarian vote out.  This was also said about the California state convention that year which was held on a Cruise Ship.

I do agree the Left is more afraid of us now that their chosen one has become simply Bush III and continues un-necessary wars for the military industrial complex.

[freeAgent]

Some of that is funny, some of it's insulting, and some of it is just stupid.  I have to wonder where they were going with "Briefly Tempting", since that would be a large group IMO.  I also don't think they indicated anything there that would stop "Briefly Tempting" from being more than just temporarily persuasive.  I'm guessing they are implying that either a) they will slide into one of the other types or b) once you think about it, you realize that this briefly tempting stuff is all crazy.  I think it's also pretty clear that the "Left-Wing" is there as a warning to any liberals with libertarian leanings to stop now before you become marginalized by both the liberals and the libertarians.  I don't think that's true, but it's certainly the vibe I get from the cartoon.  If you look at the LP, though, you may be able to consider that true.  The LP certainly seems to lean conservative in its membership, but that may be because the liberals have done a good job at scaring potential converts into giving up on libertarian philosophy.  It's much harder for conservatives to do it, since all they're left with are their socially conservative, anti-science, ignorant, and obviously bigoted beliefs to persuade you not to change camps.  No thanks.

[The Muslim Agorist]

Dale or someone should do a "You Might be a Non-Libertarian If..." type response.  Ex:

• ... you believe the government is of / by / for "the people", and all people who dare opt out of it on their own private property or even in the middle of the ocean should be destroyed by any means necessary.

• ... you believe that "science" is a religion that only the divinely-ordained government-funded institutions are qualified to participate in, removing all logical consideration of bias and burden of proof.

• ... you believe that all off the evidence you need to base your world-view must come from a violent monopoly that profits from your ignorant obedience, and everyone who deviates from the dictated norm is insane.

• ... you believe that only a secretive and violent monopoly has the divine grace to "test for botulism", while an openly competing network of evidence-based quality assurance certifications is automatically doomed to failure.

• ... you believe that no one can be trusted to decide what they do with their own lives, but everyone can be trusted to vote between a handful of indistinguishably vague and unbinding campaign promises by the power-hungry individuals to rule over everybody else.

Etc, etc, etc...

Wow.... I'm in the middle of doing, the 24 types of Authoritarians

Here's what I have so far.

NAIVE:
IT’S A GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLE! OUR REPRESENTATIVES ACT SENSIBLY WHEN WE ALL ELECT THEM DEMOCRATICALLY!

PETULANT
IF YOU DON’T LIKE US EXTORTING MONEY FROM YOU TO PAY FOR THINGS YOU FIND ABHORRENT YOU CAN GET OUT!

TOO SMART FOR FREEDOM
OBVIOUSLY PEOPLE ARE TOO DUMB TO KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR THEM. SO EXPERTS SHOULD RUN SOCIETY.

TERRIFIED THEY HATE US FOR OUR FREEDOM! GOD BLESS THE BIG GOVERNMENT MILITARY INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX!

I'm open to suggestions.

[The Muslim Agorist]

Possibly someone could give me the 24 types of Conservatives and/or Liberals to round out the topic and I will draw an appropriately silly cartoon to match this drivel.

I'm just changing the word bubbles. The characters here word just as well for Authoritarians.

[The Muslim Agorist]

I feel like there needs to a be a "for the children" and "environmentalist" and whatever you call the people who argue that they jumped through all the hoops so you should too.

Any thoughts?

[Rillion]

Wow.... I'm in the middle of doing, the 24 types of Authoritarians

Here's what I have so far.

NAIVE:
IT’S A GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLE! OUR REPRESENTATIVES ACT SENSIBLY WHEN WE ALL ELECT THEM DEMOCRATICALLY!

PETULANT
IF YOU DON’T LIKE US EXTORTING MONEY FROM YOU TO PAY FOR THINGS YOU FIND ABHORRENT YOU CAN GET OUT!

TOO SMART FOR FREEDOM
OBVIOUSLY PEOPLE ARE TOO DUMB TO KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR THEM. SO EXPERTS SHOULD RUN SOCIETY.

TERRIFIED THEY HATE US FOR OUR FREEDOM! GOD BLESS THE BIG GOVERNMENT MILITARY INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX!

I'm open to suggestions.

OPTIMIST: "Government programs will improve if we just give them more money!  They're only failing because they don't get enough funding!"

LAW ENFORCEMENT WORSHIPER: "Police exist to help people-- they won't go after you if you're not doing anything wrong.  Why would you be afraid if you don't have anything to hide?"

MORAL RELATIVIST: "If it's wrong, it should be illegal.  If it's legal, that means it's okay.  Why would we want the government to say it's okay to do bad things?"

LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT: "Why are you criticizing the country our soldiers fought and died for?! Why do you hate America?!"

KINDERGARTNER: "It's not FAIR if private businesses are allowed to discriminate!  Discriminating is BAD!  I'm gonna tell government to make them STOP!"

RIGHTS-FOR-ME-BUT-NOT-FOR-THEE: "How dare anyone challenge my First Amendment right to say we should lock up all Liberals/Conservatives in Guantanamo?!"

ANTONIN SCALIA:  "I can't seem to find anywhere in the Bill of Rights that says you can do that.  Therefore, you can't.  Case dismissed."

FLUFFY BUNNY: "Yeah, you have the right to free speech....but there are limits.  You don't have the right to be MEAN."  *sulk*

FOREIGNER: "Our country is so much better than yours in so many ways because we are so happy without your so-called 'rights'!  Hahahahaha!"  

AMNESIAC: "Suspending Habeas Corpus and keeping people in prison without charge or trial?  How could that possibly go wrong?"

SELF-ABSORBED: "Why SHOULDN'T I ask the government for everything I want?  Who would say no to free stuff?  Are you crazy?  Support the Ice Cream For Everyone Act!"

REFORMED ADDICT: "If I can't handle myself around around alcohol/pot/porn, nobody can!  Ban it all!"

BEREAVED PARENT: "My child was killed/maimed/offended/vaguely titillated by X.  X should be banned NOW."  

[Cognitive Dissident]

I feel like there needs to a be a "for the children" and "environmentalist" and whatever you call the people who argue that they jumped through all the hoops so you should too.

Any thoughts?

You're doing a great job!

ENTITLED: My family has paid taxes for six generations, and before that they were enslaved!  That means I should get more services than others.

(so leave out the enslaved part and make it a white person if it's too edgy)

WINDOW-BREAKER: War is good for the economy!.  People who are killed have to be buried, and the munitions have to be replaced--that creates jobs!  My nephew left his job building lawnmowers and now he makes twice as much building tanks!

ENSCRIPTOR: When I went to the military, they made me a man.  The draft is good for them!

FAITHFUL: This time I'll vote against everyone in that party, and for everyone in the other party.  Then they'll do what they promised, for a change!

LEGAL: What part of ILLEGAL don't you understand?!?!  My great-grandfather came here legally (when there were no immigration laws.)

[libertylover]

I feel like there needs to a be a "for the children" and "environmentalist" and whatever you call the people who argue that they jumped through all the hoops so you should too.

Any thoughts?

The Nanny (Its for the Children that we put them in so much dept.)
The Green Zealot (Global Warming is a true due to scientific consensus even though 30k scientist disagree.)
The Fratboy Hazer (I had to jump through the government hoops so should you.)
The Petty Tyrant.  (I demand you live your life the way I see fit.)
The Freeloader  (I game the system so I love the system.)
The Fairness Fairy (Life isn't fair, government should fix that.)
The Deluded  (If I should be harmed by government they will compensate me.)
The Dreamer (Once government controls everything we will all live in harmony.)


add or edit as you see fit.







 

[The Muslim Agorist]

Here's an update. Those are all great suggestions. Still a few left.

I feel like there needs to be a teacher

[Rillion]

Here's an update.

I like it, but.....why is "Minarchist" on there?  Even if you think the position is untenable, they're sure not authoritarians. 

[The Muslim Agorist]

Here's an update.

I like it, but.....why is "Minarchist" on there?  Even if you think the position is untenable, they're sure not authoritarians. 

Well... the original was "left winger" which I guess meant the minority of libertarians in other camp. So, I was just thinking who is the small minority of statists in the liberty camp. I couldn't think of much else that matched the picture.

[Alex Libman]

Brilliant!  A few minor ideas...

Could the NAIVE guy be a bit more obviously naive, something along the lines of "everyone votes for a representative they can trust to keep all his specific campaign promises and do nothing else" (brevity is not one of my virtues)?

Could you draw a globe behind the LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT guy with the words "BIG GOVERNMENT" written all over it?

Could you draw in a police cap on the gun-toting guy to make it say something like THE THIN BLUE LINE?

Maybe add a "Bank of Bermuda" stub to THE MASOCHIST guy?

The NANNY STATER line would be more expressive if it ended with "and neither should you - OR ELSE!"

The THEOCRAT's "gawd hates faqs" line does nothing for socialists, it would be more effective if it mentioned something like Romans 13 or the "divine right of kings".

[The Muslim Agorist]

What's a Bank of Bermuda stub?

[Alex Libman]

I guess a small / turn off piece of paper / receipt that says "Bank of Bermuda" (or any other "tax haven") on it, the joke being that he's not really a "masochist" but another one of them "limousine liberals" who can afford to game the system...

It was just a random brainstorming idea, and if I had to explain it then it probably wasn't a very good one, so never mind.

[Rillion]

Well... the original was "left winger" which I guess meant the minority of libertarians in other camp. So, I was just thinking who is the small minority of statists in the liberty camp. I couldn't think of much else that matched the picture.

Oh, I see.  That makes sense.  I like what you did with Bereaved Parent and The Deluded. 

The guy with the guns could be Mr. Inconsistent: "Guns don't kill people; drugs do!"  Or "Guns don't kill people; gay sex does!" Or something like that. 

I don't know which one would be best as a teacher, but he could say "How could anything be wrong with government officials teaching kids how to think about government?" 

I posed that question to my teacher brother this weekend, and he got it-- he compared it to Exxon teaching kids what to think about global warming.  I don't think he's going to be resigning his position any time soon, though.