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Author Topic: Stories of retail hell...  (Read 41986 times)

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Riddler

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Re: Stories of retail hell...
« Reply #165 on: December 12, 2008, 08:29:29 PM »

we got maple syrup

so does wal-mart.


blaspheming bitch.
we get to suck it right out da tree.
& stand around for 14 hrs, drinking like madmen while it boils

I take the 5 minutes to get it at wal-mart.  Then I have pancakes.  Then I have a drink.

you, sir, are a philistine.
no self-respecting new englander would stoop to such levels...
suck the tree...boil the sap...spend thousands of man-hours & dollars to produce
the nectar of the Go........
who am i kidding...
i've never made syrup in my life.
 i will NEVER make syrup
it boggles my fucking mind.."wanna watch sap boil"? ....  to see 40 gallons of tree water turn into ONE gallon of syrup? after  ONLY 14 HOURS????!!!!
"no thanks, ma'am. rather pour hydrochloric acid on my scrotal area...."

my kid would rather have the mrs.cuntworth's, fake-ass, corn syrup-shit-maple-flavored store-bought bottled goo .
so, anyways....we got that going for us.
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Lindsey

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Re: Stories of retail hell...
« Reply #166 on: December 12, 2008, 09:13:24 PM »

Remind me to hang myself from a light fixture one of these days.

Speaking of syrup...french toast sounds yummy. 
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Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
         -George W. Bush

Porcupine_in_MA

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Re: Stories of retail hell...
« Reply #167 on: December 12, 2008, 09:15:45 PM »

French toast cooked with lard and sprinkled with lots of powdered sugar and butter on top.
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Lindsey

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Re: Stories of retail hell...
« Reply #168 on: December 12, 2008, 09:19:11 PM »

French toast cooked with lard and sprinkled with lots of powdered sugar and butter on top.

No lard.  I have my own built-in. 
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Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
         -George W. Bush

blackie

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Re: Stories of retail hell...
« Reply #169 on: December 13, 2008, 08:59:57 AM »

Olive oil for hanukkah. It's gunna be great.
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Riddler

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Re: Stories of retail hell...
« Reply #170 on: December 13, 2008, 09:25:15 AM »

Remind me to hang myself from a light fixture one of these days.

Speaking of syrup...french toast sounds yummy. 



big time hugs & cunnilinguis for YOU MY DEAR...
happy holiday shit-pile goodness!
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Lindsey

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Re: Stories of retail hell...
« Reply #171 on: December 13, 2008, 10:18:11 AM »

I need to get a slave to make me french toast...
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Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
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Lindsey

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Re: Stories of retail hell...
« Reply #172 on: February 25, 2009, 10:00:43 PM »

Okay, it's time to bring this thread back from the grave...

So Monday and today I worked in another store because the manager is on vacation.  It was HORRIBLE.  This kind of stuff never happens to me at my store, so I don't know what the fuck is up, but anyway...

Monday, we got shoplifted while I was there - which does not make me happy.  This couple came in, and the man was flapping around yelling at me while his land whale of a girlfriend tried on every pair of expensive fashion glasses we own (theft tactic number one).  He kept arguing with me about his glasses, which he said needed to repaired.  I spent quite a while explaining to him that the spring hinge on his glasses was actually broken in two separate pieces, and that the manufacturer would need to replace the hinge at the factory (these glasses are also WELL outside of their warranty period).  He had told me that he had been in before and the "lady" had told him that a screw needed to be replaced and to come back when someone that could perform the repair was there (Uhhh...no).  Meanwhile the land whale was trying on EVERYTHING and not even looking at herself (theft tactic number two).  So at this point I'm getting a little perturbed that he's calling me an idiot and a liar, and I told him "Sir, I have done this job for almost three years now, and I have seen this happen to a lot of glasses before.  I'm telling you as nicely as I can that this is not a service that we can perform for you on the store level."  His reply was "well I've never seen you here before!"  I told him to rest assured that I was not being any less than completely honest with him, and that since he clearly did not believe a word out of my mouth, I would give him a box, the address and phone number for Revo, a description of his glasses and the problem he's having, and that he should go down to LensCrafters or Sears and have one of the technicians AND someone on the retail side explain the same thing I just did to him. 

So I didn't turn my back, but had to slip in to the back room to retrieve the box for him, and as I resurfaced I saw him attempt to slip a pair of glasses in his pocket on the opposite side of the store from the land whale.  He saw my reflection in the mirror and made a quick gesture to try them on and mess around with them before putting them back in their place. 

I believe it was either when he was forcing me to go through my box of tools and screws to "fix" his glasses, or when another group of young teenage males came in and cornered themselves around the Oakley cases that the land whale took her opportunity and snatched a pair of D&G glasses.  Fat fucking cunt. 

I hate being shoplifted.  Even when I ran the Macy's (open-sell but with locked cases), I was only shoplifted ONCE.  On Black Friday.  With nine million people in the shithole, AND the store wraps around a corner, making it completely impossible to know what's going on on the side opposite to the one the customer you're assisting currently occupies, unless you stood about ten feet diagonal to the corner.  Fuck that place.  I like my kiosk for this reason.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And then today happened.  I swear it seems like people are nastier than usual lately.  Very rarely do I have people get nasty with me at my job.  Like, REALLY nasty.

So today was going well, I had sold a couple pairs of glasses and was working on straightening up the store (The manager told me I could because his organizational skills fail), and in walked another couple.  I greeted them and asked them if they'd had their eyes on a particular brand or style, and the man said to me "JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSST LOOKING" in this long, drawn out, annoyed voice.  I am very pleasant with customers (contrary to my normal bitchy self), and was a bit put off.  So I stood sort of in the middle of things, and tooled around straightening out rows of glasses and whatnot.  I had noticed the man trying on loads and loads of glasses, and not really looking at himself all that closely, so I tried to make some polite conversation, see if maybe he was after a particular model of glasses in the brand case he was currently scavenging, and maybe he didn't see it and assumed we didn't have it, whatever.  He kept replying "JUST LOOKING", and the tone got more and more agitated the few more times he said it.  Well finally they had made their way back to the clearance section at the front of the store, and by then I had figured out what it was he was looking for based on the styles he was trying on.  So I pulled something out of another case and said to him "I think these would work nicely for you" and tried to hand him the glasses.  He took them, turned to me, looked me right in the eyes, and said "You are REALLY getting on my nerves."

If I wasn't afraid for my job (store not making plan, RM pissed off at me because staff is not complying with dress code, etc.) I'd have told him to get the Hell out of my store.  I apologized to him, and said that my job was to help him try and find a pair of glasses that suited his needs and his lifestyle - and nothing more.  As they turned to walk out, I told them to have a nice afternoon.  And I didn't even mutter obscenities after they left. 

MOTHERFUCKERS. 

I'm not sure if there's a full moon or some bullshit, or if maybe the economic climate is making people fucking cranky in general.  Or maybe my sales tactics have become a bit more aggressive and are not suited for an inline environment that is completely open.  At my store, the customer has to ask to try on the glasses, or I have to pull it out and make suggestions.  My number one priority is to get that person talking and to keep them standing there.  If they walk away empty-handed, that's fine.  My goal is to pull enough information from them to find out WHY I did or did not sell them a pair of glasses.  I understand that some people are genuinely just checking things out.  And that's fine.  I know when to back off, but I was most definitely off-target with this guy.  He was just terrible and unnecessarily rude to me.  I don't consider myself pushy, or even a sales person really.  But DAMN.  I'm just not sure.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Earlier this morning I had two customers in the store.  One normal one, who was asking some questions and was receptive to my input because he wasn't sure which glasses he liked.  Another came in, and he was checking out different types of cords for glasses because his was getting old and he was looking to replace them.  Then he started to look at glasses and ask some questions.  He told me eventually that he'd had two pairs of Maui Jim glasses and that they had both cracked right down the middle.  Both of them.  In the same place.  Through my astounding powers of deduction, this tells me that something environmental is most likely causing the problem, and that the glasses are probably not defective.  So I asked him which ones he had, and if he saw them there in the store.  He pointed them out, and it is a very light and thin framed glass, but also a titanium alloy as the frame material.  So they are actually very durable.  I asked him (politely, I swear) if maybe he had been wearing the glasses on his head.  He looks at me, shifts his weight, makes the "You're an idiot" noise, and goes "WHERE DO YOU *THINK* I'M WEARING THEM?!".  And I clarified that I meant on the top of his head, when they are not in use.  And as I tried to explain that wearing them in that manner tends to stretch the frame material, and could have easily cracked the drill mount in the lens, he started screaming at me about how I had "ASSUMED", and all of this other stuff.  So I apologized and pointed out that I had merely asked him a question, and was trying to help him figure out why his glasses were not functioning in the way they are supposed to.  I then laid out his warranty information and gave him Maui Jim's contact information and he left.  The other customer that was a few feet away from him looked at me after the guy left and went "What the HECK was THAT?!"  We had a laugh.  Some people are way too touchy. 










For the TLDR crowd, fuck you.  Read each chunk on three separate days.   :lol:
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Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
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Diogenes The Cynic

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Re: Stories of retail hell...
« Reply #173 on: February 25, 2009, 10:36:27 PM »

A friend of mine works at Abercrimbie & Fitch. I will assume y'all know the types of personalities that are in the store.

A big girl walks up to the new assistant manager on his first day and asks in an excited voice "Do you have any jeans in such- and-such a size?"

He looks up at her and says "Ewww, NO".

Cue the big girl running out of the store sobbing as the entire staff of store employees laughed.
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Lindsey

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Re: Stories of retail hell...
« Reply #174 on: February 25, 2009, 10:47:32 PM »

A friend of mine works at Abercrimbie & Fitch. I will assume y'all know the types of personalities that are in the store.

A big girl walks up to the new assistant manager on his first day and asks in an excited voice "Do you have any jeans in such- and-such a size?"

He looks up at her and says "Ewww, NO".

Cue the big girl running out of the store sobbing as the entire staff of store employees laughed.

The fat girl should have known better.  Seriously.  In all honesty, I feel bad for a girl in that situation, but if you're fucking stupid enough to put your ass on the line...oh well. 

Also, if my assistant manager did that I would probably have to fire him.  He sounds like an idiot too.
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Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
         -George W. Bush

Elitist Bitch

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Re: Stories of retail hell...
« Reply #175 on: February 26, 2009, 10:03:30 PM »

I would personally rather die than shop at an A&F. I still have my self respect, after all.

First, a warning, I may be adding to the TLDR nature of this thread myself.


So, I'm ringing up some painkillers, a course of antibiotics and an antifungal (bonus points if you know why) for a patient. Her boyfriend is there picking them up. He has his name tattooed across his knuckles (I know this because I had to card him for the painkillers). He looks at me as I'm handing him his receipt and asks me if I have any matches.  I just stare at him a moment, then he grins dumbly and says, "Oh yeah, you people probably don't want to encourage smoking, do you?" and saunters off.
__

Later on that evening, it's just me and another tech and the pharmacist. So I'm doing intake and ringing people up, and I take a prescription for a dude who looks like a fully-fledged bro--popped collar, idiotic ball cap, etc. He hands me a prescription and I get all his information.

Fifteen minutes later, it's filled and he returns. It's a treatment for an STD, and I know it. I'm ringing him up and he is smiling at me, while I cringe inside. Then, I hand him his bag and his receipt and he shoots me what he must think is a very winning look and says, "So, babe, what are you up to on Friday night?"

I'm usually the type that will shut a man down without mentioning I'm not single, but I smelled persistence on this one (Or was it the Axe he bathed in? Who knows?) and just smiled and said, "I don't know, you'd have to ask my boyfriend. Besides, it seems like you might want to refrain from having fun for a while."

__

Oh, and another fabulous thing: It is possible to be fired for working more than six hours without taking a lunch break. I was "coached" for this. Coaching is the first step in the "progressive discipline" process. I was on the phone to an insurance company, and I hadn't waded through 20 minutes of menus and held the line for another 10 only to hang up so I could go clock out.  Ironically, they occasionally coach someone for telling customers that we can't help them because we have to clock out so we won't get coached for going over our six.  *SIGH*
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Lindsey

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Re: Stories of retail hell...
« Reply #176 on: February 26, 2009, 10:12:30 PM »

Kill them with fire, please. 
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Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
         -George W. Bush

jeffersonish

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Re: Stories of retail hell...
« Reply #177 on: March 01, 2009, 02:18:57 AM »

If you haven't read or listened to Steve Martin's Cruel Shoes routine, go do it now. I'll wait.

I have to think Steve sold women's shoes at one point in his life. I did and I had a customer that soooo made me think of it. It was my first day I think and she was a long-time customer. She liked the shoes she had on so much, she had ordered a 2nd pair. The shoes had arrived and she was there to pick them up. Of course she had to try them on.

When she took her shoes off, I imagine I gasped under my breath. Her feet were hideously malformed. I started to put the new shoes on her, but they were too small. She insisted I do whatever was needed to force her feet into the shoes which I hesitantly did. When they finally were on, she stood up and told me how great they felt.

As Steve would say, "Later that day Carlos could be heard saying to another customer, 'Well, that's every pair of shoes in the store.... unless of course you'd like to try the CRUEL SHOES.'"


-----------------------------------------------------

One from the other side of the counter...

I was at the taco bell drive-thru with my girlfriend. We just wanted to large diet cokes.. about $1.17 each after tax. When he read the order back, the guy behind the mic called off ONE diet coke. When I told him it was TWO, he explained he had already closed out the order so couldn't add another. He would add it when we got up to the window.

At the window he handed me ONE diet coke and asked for the money for ONE diet coke. I reminded him about the second one. He got that, handed it to me and asked for the money again, but instead of asking for the cost of TWO, he asked for enough for ONE.

To remind him AGAIN about the TWO cokes, I asked, "How much?" He said v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y "A d-o-l-l-a-r s-e-v-e-n-t-e-e-e-e-n" as if I were the idiot. I paid him the roughly $1.17 and left.
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YixilTesiphon

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Re: Stories of retail hell...
« Reply #178 on: March 01, 2009, 08:31:35 AM »

One from the other side of the counter...

I was at the taco bell drive-thru with my girlfriend. We just wanted to large diet cokes.. about $1.17 each after tax. When he read the order back, the guy behind the mic called off ONE diet coke. When I told him it was TWO, he explained he had already closed out the order so couldn't add another. He would add it when we got up to the window.

At the window he handed me ONE diet coke and asked for the money for ONE diet coke. I reminded him about the second one. He got that, handed it to me and asked for the money again, but instead of asking for the cost of TWO, he asked for enough for ONE.

To remind him AGAIN about the TWO cokes, I asked, "How much?" He said v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y "A d-o-l-l-a-r s-e-v-e-n-t-e-e-e-e-n" as if I were the idiot. I paid him the roughly $1.17 and left.


Reminds me of something that happened at a burrito place last weekend. Hadn't been there in over a year, so I didn't really know their routine. But this was one of these college-town places with a chip on its shoulder, so the guy behind the counter treated me like a goddamn moron because I didn't know the names of all their options.
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Lindsey

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Re: Stories of retail hell...
« Reply #179 on: March 01, 2009, 09:50:28 AM »

That reminds me of a recent trip to Steak and Shake.  Right before I went, I looked at their website, and had decided on what I wanted.  I went there, the kid told me they didn't HAVE the chicken sandwich anymore.  So I'm like "...".  I went ahead and ordered a fucking burger (pleh) because I was hungry.  And I order the sides and whatever.  I get up to the window, he says they're out of chili, so I tell him to just take it off the order, because I don't want to substitute anything else and I just want to get my food and leave.  I end up leaving with a burger instead of chicken, fries instead of onion rings (I hate their fries), no chili, and no milkshake.  I was not a happy camper, but I was also only partially clothed, and was not about to go in and kill some idiots whilst not wearing a bra.  I won't be returning. 
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Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
         -George W. Bush
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