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Author Topic: Smelly Cat  (Read 13554 times)

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conrad from spain

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Smelly Cat
« on: August 11, 2009, 05:35:47 PM »

My girlfriend has a smelly cat that's bringing us (i.e. me) problems. How can I kill it without her knowing it was me?
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Libertarianssuck

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Re: Smelly Cat
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2009, 05:43:56 PM »

Wow your gf is lucky to have you.... Why not discuss it with her? or if you wanna get rid of it that bad why not give it away and tell her it ran away.
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hellbilly

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Re: Smelly Cat
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2009, 05:45:23 PM »

You put it in a box with a vial of cyanide. Seal the box, but make a switch on the outside that activates a hammer that may or may not break the vial inside the box. This way you can flip the switch even with your girlfriend present, and since the cat may or may not die, how can you be to blame?
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Give me Liberty or give me Meth!

"We are profoundly dissatisfied with pretty much everything but we canít articulate why, and are unable to offer any viable alternative." - Nathaniel Weiner

conrad from spain

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Re: Smelly Cat
« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2009, 05:51:04 PM »

She loves the cat. I need it to die when I'm not there and and leave no trace that it was me. It's already 8 years old and I can't wait 3 more years. Then we can move on as a couple.
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BonerJoe

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Re: Smelly Cat
« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2009, 05:56:27 PM »

Give it a bath.

Otherwise, you suck as a human.

Both for wanting to kill a cat and not having the balls to discuss it with your girlfriend.
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fatcat

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Re: Smelly Cat
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2009, 05:59:07 PM »

You put it in a box with a vial of cyanide. Seal the box, but make a switch on the outside that activates a hammer that may or may not break the vial inside the box. This way you can flip the switch even with your girlfriend present, and since the cat may or may not die, how can you be to blame?
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hellbilly

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Re: Smelly Cat
« Reply #6 on: August 11, 2009, 06:03:20 PM »

You put it in a box with a vial of cyanide. Seal the box, but make a switch on the outside that activates a hammer that may or may not break the vial inside the box. This way you can flip the switch even with your girlfriend present, and since the cat may or may not die, how can you be to blame?


What a coincidence! :)
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Give me Liberty or give me Meth!

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Rillion

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Re: Smelly Cat
« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2009, 06:06:31 PM »

Give it a bath.

Otherwise, you suck as a human.

Both for wanting to kill a cat and not having the balls to discuss it with your girlfriend.

This.  On all counts.
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conrad from spain

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Re: Smelly Cat
« Reply #8 on: August 11, 2009, 06:24:40 PM »

Give it a bath.

Otherwise, you suck as a human.

Both for wanting to kill a cat and not having the balls to discuss it with your girlfriend.

I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE IT A BATH. I ain't doin' shit for that cat.. And yes I DO have the balls to talk about it with her. Her dead grandfather gave her that cat and she loves it dearly. The cat stays until it's dead.

Notwithstanding her undying love for it, she doesn't take care of it very well. She doesn't clean the cat box very often and the damn cat lets her know by taking a shit in the entrance way so it's the first thing you see/smell as you walk in. I'm pretty damn sure he has sprayed that whole damn house but she's so used to it that she doesn't know it. Then she calls me stuck up for not wanting to go to her house..  I try to be clever and invite her to stay at my house, thus perpetuating the neglected cat situation because she's at my house and not home to take care of the cat. The cat gets jealous and attacks her because she's never there! What a nightmare!


The truth is I DON'T have the balls to kill it.. Nor would I risk losing her because, eventually every dirty deed is uncovered. There is no perfect crime. I just ask for entertainment/educational purposes.. I can fantasize can't I???

Oh.. and even if i don't kill the cat.. I agree, I suck as a human being. No arguments there.

Can anyone at least give me some ideas of cheap stuff I can buy in a pharmacy and put it in his food?? Or maybe some kind of injection?? Any experience with this.. Just for entertainment purposes..
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blackie

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Re: Smelly Cat
« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2009, 06:36:28 PM »

Use the Law of Attraction.
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Libertarianssuck

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Re: Smelly Cat
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2009, 06:56:10 PM »


List of plants that can prove poisonous to cats.



Alfalfa, Almond Pits, Alocasia, Amaryllis, Apple Seeds, Apple Leaf Croton,Apricot Pits, Arrowgrass, Asparagus Fern,Autumn Crocus, Avacado Fruit and Pit, Azalea,

Baneberry, Bayonet, Beargrass, Beech, Belladonna, Bird of Paradise, Bittersweet, Black Locust, Bleeding Heart,Bloodroot, Boxwood, Buckeyes,Buddist Pine, Burning Bush, Buttercup,

Caladium, Castor Bean, Ceriman,Cherry Pits, Seeds and Leaves, most varieties, Chinaberry, Christmas Rose,Chrysanthemum, Clematis, Coriaria, Cornflower, Cornstalk Plant, Corydalis, Crocus Autumn, Cuban Laurel, Cycads,Cyclamen,

Daffodil, Daphne, Deadly Nightshade,Death Camas, Delphinium, Dieffenbachia,Dracaena Palm, Dragon Tree,

Eggplant, Elderberry, Elephant Ear,Emerald Feather, Eucalyptus, Euonymus,

Ferns, Fiddle-leaf fig, Florida Beauty, Flax, Foxglove, Fruit Salad Plant,

Geranium, Giant Dumb Cane, Gold Dieffenbachia, Golden Glow, Golden Pothos,Gopher Purge,

Hellebore, Hemlock, Henbane, Holly,Honeysuckle, Horse Beans, Horse Chestnuts,Hyacinth, Hydrangea,

Indian Tobacco, Iris, Ivy, English, German, many others,

Jack in the Pulpit, Janet Craig Dracaena, Java Beans, Jessamine, Jimson Weed,Jungle Trumpets, Kalanchoe,

Lantana, Larkspur, Laurel, Lilies, Locoweed, Lupine,

Marble Queen, Marigold, Marijuana,Mescal Bean, Mexican Breadfruit, Mistletoe,Mock Orange, Morning Glory, Mother-in Law's Tongue, Mountain Laurel, Mushrooms,

Narcissus, Nephytis, Oleander, Onion,

Peach Pits & Leaves, Peony, Periwinkle, Philodendron, Pimpernel, Plumosa Fern, Poinsettia, Pokeweed, Poppy, Potato,Precatory Bean, Primrose, Privet,

Red Emerald, Red Margined Dracaena,Rhododendron, Rhubarb,Rosemary Pea,Rubber Plant,

Sago Palm, Schefflera, Scotch Broom,Skunk Cabbage, Snowdrops, Staggerweed,Star of Bethlehem, String of Pearls,Sweetpea, Swiss Cheese plant,

Tansy Mustard, Tobacco, Tomato - Green Fruit Stem and Leaves, Tropic Snow Dieffenbachia, Tulip, Tung Tree,

Virginia Creeper, Weeping Fig, Wild Call, Wisteria, Yews, Japanese, American, English, Western.
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blackie

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Re: Smelly Cat
« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2009, 07:00:22 PM »

ANTIFREEZE (ETHYLENE GLYCOL)

Poisoning with antifreeze is one of the most common poisoning conditions found in cats because ethylene glycol has a sweet taste that appeals to cats and dogs. One teaspoon of antifreeze can kill an average-sized cat. Signs of toxicity, which appear suddenly, are vomiting, uncoordinated gait (seems "drunk"), weakness, stupor and coma. Death can occur in 12 to 36 hours. Convulsions are unusual. Cats that recover from the acute poisoning may have damage to their kidneys and go on to kidney failure.
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conrad from spain

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Re: Smelly Cat
« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2009, 07:16:23 PM »

ANTIFREEZE (ETHYLENE GLYCOL)

Poisoning with antifreeze is one of the most common poisoning conditions found in cats because ethylene glycol has a sweet taste that appeals to cats and dogs. One teaspoon of antifreeze can kill an average-sized cat. Signs of toxicity, which appear suddenly, are vomiting, uncoordinated gait (seems "drunk"), weakness, stupor and coma. Death can occur in 12 to 36 hours. Convulsions are unusual. Cats that recover from the acute poisoning may have damage to their kidneys and go on to kidney failure.

Now we're getting somewhere.. But how can I leave anti-freeze out without her knowing? And there's no guarantee that the cat will drink the anti-freeze..

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Riddler

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Re: Smelly Cat
« Reply #13 on: August 11, 2009, 07:16:54 PM »

ANTIFREEZE (ETHYLENE GLYCOL)



oh, that's fucking cold, blacko.....(course, i immediately had the same idea)


a: drown it in a cloth bag in the tub & throw it in a dumpster, the day they're gonna empty it.
b: get rat poison (or some other large rodent/animal poison) & mix it w/ cat food.
c: throw it out a window
d: ask john shaw for other ideas
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davann

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Re: Smelly Cat
« Reply #14 on: August 11, 2009, 07:37:46 PM »


The truth is I DON'T have the balls to kill it.. Nor would I risk losing her because, eventually every dirty deed is uncovered.

Here's my  business card for "Dirty Deeds, Done Dirty Cheap!".

Contact me and arrange for me to fly out. I know more then one way to skin a cat. Would you be interested in my speciality of disposing of the carcass via the Fried Green Tomato style? Costs a little extra but you and your gal get a nice meal.
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