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Author Topic: Raccoons are assholes.  (Read 7638 times)

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BonerJoe

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Re: Raccoons are assholes.
« Reply #15 on: October 11, 2010, 09:39:44 PM »

which sucked because it would get blast-furnace hot in there and make the garbage reek. 

Not as hot as a coal-fired blast furnace, though.
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Terror Australis

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Re: Raccoons are assholes.
« Reply #16 on: October 11, 2010, 09:49:25 PM »

Bitches dont know bout my tiger light....
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Riddler

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Re: Raccoons are assholes.
« Reply #17 on: October 11, 2010, 09:59:59 PM »

you want asshole?
porcupines
fuckers have NO LEGITIMATE PURPOSE on this planet...
how do they fuck, for chrissakes?
our stupid rat-dog (dachsund (sp?) dunno...don care)
has @ 12 under his belt............
he never fucking wins.
it's a loss leader w/ these fucking things, unless you have thumbs & guns
i shot the first one he got into as a pup.....a mother up a tree.
big bald spot on her back from the last hapless fuck.
3 shots w/ a 9mm
2 body shots & the bitch didn budge
head shot to drop her out the tree.
i figured, (patting myself on the back) ''we'll show them''
until a week later & i'm up in the woods chasing asshole dog & (w/ fl-lite off) hear dozens of scurrying fucks running off in the underbrush.......slooshing thru the fallen leaves..
& i had the revelation:

these fucking things are like the viet cong.

i could kill 20-a-day & not even make a fucking dent.

so, of course, i called westmoreland & macnamara........

we're gonna drop back & napalm/agent orange my entire hillside
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BonerJoe

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Re: Raccoons are assholes.
« Reply #18 on: October 11, 2010, 10:23:44 PM »

lol
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mrapplecastle

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Re: Raccoons are assholes.
« Reply #19 on: October 11, 2010, 10:35:27 PM »

cats and dogs can carry rabies also, lets shoot everyone we see   :D

I've seen foxes in my backyard the last 2 years, should I have shot them?
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Bill Brasky

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Re: Raccoons are assholes.
« Reply #20 on: October 11, 2010, 10:54:47 PM »

which sucked because it would get blast-furnace hot in there and make the garbage reek. 

Not as hot as a coal-fired blast furnace, though.

Thats right.  Can't get hotter than coal. 

Coal is as hot as hot gets.

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anarchir

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Re: Raccoons are assholes.
« Reply #21 on: October 12, 2010, 01:59:46 AM »

cats and dogs can carry rabies also, lets shoot everyone we see   :D

I've seen foxes in my backyard the last 2 years, should I have shot them?

They run away and are elusive.
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libertylover

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Re: Raccoons are assholes.
« Reply #22 on: October 12, 2010, 03:10:08 AM »

I enjoyed the tale. Raccoons are indeed assholes.

I had a cat that would actually go out in the woods and beat up two or three at a time. Saw it happen once, pretty impressive. He'd come home spattered with blood that wasn't his.

What did you have a pet bobcat or something.  Raccoons are tough strong little fuckers and tend to be stronger than cats usually.

A friend of mine lost 4 laying hens to one last month. 
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YixilTesiphon

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Re: Raccoons are assholes.
« Reply #23 on: October 12, 2010, 10:15:39 AM »

how do they fuck, for chrissakes?

...I don't know. This question will haunt my day.
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mikehz

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Re: Raccoons are assholes.
« Reply #24 on: October 12, 2010, 10:26:41 AM »

you want asshole?
porcupines
fuckers have NO LEGITIMATE PURPOSE on this planet...
how do they fuck, for chrissakes?
our stupid rat-dog (dachsund (sp?) dunno...don care)
has @ 12 under his belt............
he never fucking wins.
it's a loss leader w/ these fucking things, unless you have thumbs & guns
i shot the first one he got into as a pup.....a mother up a tree.
big bald spot on her back from the last hapless fuck.
3 shots w/ a 9mm
2 body shots & the bitch didn budge
head shot to drop her out the tree.
i figured, (patting myself on the back) ''we'll show them''
until a week later & i'm up in the woods chasing asshole dog & (w/ fl-lite off) hear dozens of scurrying fucks running off in the underbrush.......slooshing thru the fallen leaves..
& i had the revelation:

these fucking things are like the viet cong.

i could kill 20-a-day & not even make a fucking dent.

so, of course, i called westmoreland & macnamara........

we're gonna drop back & napalm/agent orange my entire hillside


I once heard a vet say, after a buddy's dog tangled with it's third porcupine, that often dogs go after them seeking revenge for the first time they got a mouthful of quills. It never works.
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libertylover

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Re: Raccoons are assholes.
« Reply #25 on: October 12, 2010, 10:37:07 AM »

how do they fuck, for chrissakes?

...I don't know. This question will haunt my day.

Day haunted no more.  Obviously they do it missionary style.  This makes porcupines the holiest of all the animals in the animal kingdom.   :wink:
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dalebert

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Re: Raccoons are assholes.
« Reply #26 on: October 12, 2010, 10:59:01 AM »

how do they fuck, for chrissakes?

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/732/how-do-porcupines-mate

Quote
Porcupine sex is not the exercise in S&M you might imagine but it does have its kinky aspects. I quote from Roze: "Perhaps the strangest aspect of the interaction is male urine-hosing of the female. The male approaches on his hind legs and tail, grunting in a low tone. His penis springs erect. He then becomes a urine cannon, squirting high-pressure jets of urine at the female. Everything suggests the urine is fired by ejaculation, not released by normal bladder pressure.... In less than a minute, a female may be thoroughly wetted from nose to tail."

Pizzly

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Re: Raccoons are assholes.
« Reply #27 on: October 12, 2010, 12:56:55 PM »

I'v wondered, would those noise fence devices that work for dogs also work on vermin like raccoons or skunks?
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BonerJoe

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Re: Raccoons are assholes.
« Reply #28 on: October 12, 2010, 02:05:08 PM »

I'v wondered, would those noise fence devices that work for dogs also work on vermin like raccoons or skunks?

Wouldn't that be against pacifism?
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dalebert

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Re: Raccoons are assholes.
« Reply #29 on: October 12, 2010, 02:40:45 PM »

I'v wondered, would those noise fence devices that work for dogs also work on vermin like raccoons or skunks?

Doesn't that only work on dogs wearing a special collar?
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