Pearls of wisdom.....or maybe not.

[Turd Ferguson]

Little known observations, learning experiences, epiphanies, whatever.

Heres one I had today during my travels.



People with "Union YES!" bumper stickers on their vehicles are the most aggressive, impatient, "me first", assholish drivers on the planet.

Bar none.

This is non-debatable. I've seen it with my own eyeballs. I have the documents.

[John Shaw]

LOL baby boomers.

[Turd Ferguson]

Good point.

[Bill Brasky]

I find sowing the pearls of wisdom are ultimately the perils of wisdom.

[dalebert]

I accept your evidence as presented.

[Bill Brasky]

Yet, you will carry on, offering your opinions to the public.

[Turd Ferguson]

Eh, it kills time.


Wouldja like to buy a monkey instead?

[Bill Brasky]

I'll buy that monkey.  And the sockpuppet, too.

[Turd Ferguson]

I accept your evidence as presented.

<<<<<<<grabs evidence from Dale's hand, throws a powdered wig on my head and jumps up on top of the stand, yelling "LOOK AT ME, IM A BIG FANCY LAWYER!!! LOOK EVERYONE, I KNOW THE LAW.....BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!"



"Sir! Get down from there right now!! SIR!!..... BAILIFF, REMOVE THIS IDIOT FROM MY COURT ROOM IMMEDIATELY!"

[BonerJoe]

* Joseph Voluntaryist Non-Chalker Delano Boner chalks the sidewalk

[SeanD]

Don't go to a proctologist with poor depth perception.

[Bill Brasky]

Naps are important.  They are silent celebrations of quiet comfort. 

[Turd Ferguson]

If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good.



Its an old one, but one that im getting better at following all the time.


At this rate, I'll probably not give a fuck about anything before too long.

[John Shaw]

These are made up by me (Apart from #3). I don't think I stole any of them. If someone else said the same thing on their own it just shows that they are awesome, too.

Shaw's Rule of the Comedy of the Commons - Wreck some shit that doesn't belong to anyone. Don't get caught.

If you're being given a choice, always say no unless you're the one who started the conversation. If you're not being given a choice, keep your mouth shut. If they won't let you keep your mouth shut, lie convincingly.

Don't do dumb things.

No possible orgasm is good enough to justify interfering with a committed relationship longer than a week old. That is 15 seconds versus 604800 seconds. The genitals may lie to you about this. NEVER LISTEN TO THE GENITALS UNLESS THEY ARE EXPRESSING PAIN. See: "Don't do dumb things."

Food - Just One is worse than zero and is never enough.

Guns - Just One is better than zero and is never enough.

Keep your gas can tank full. People who take it upon themselves to tell you otherwise are dumb.

That delivery? It hasn't shown up yet. Load the web tracking page into a tab and don't worry about checking the porch. If they show they'll knock or ring.

Leave the last one or go buy more.

Resist the urge to lick the alphabet. That is not a technique, it's a sign you're not actually committed to the task.

The moment you recognize that you're wrong, admit it and if you need to, apologize. Until then NEVER BACK DOWN.

Clean your teeth.

If you have a bunch of Buddhist friends, you might be an asshole.  

High risk behavior is stupid people's way of saying "I am ready to die or get beaten on now." Try not to be there when they do.

You're gonna get hurt. You're gonna hurt someone. You're gonna die. It will still be worth it, probably, so buck up lil' camper.

This is maybe the most important thing I've ever learned - Almost everyone thinks that they are the hero in their own story. Hitler and Stalin and Pol Pot and Bush and Obama and those dudes what crashed them planes and you name 'em. A way to avoid being this sort of person - If people are cheering you on to go do something, it is probably something really fucking dumb. You should have learned this in college.

That lump might be cancer. Get it checked and eat yer fuckin' broccoli.

[mikehz]

"You cannot be where you are not."

Think about it.