"I be thinkin that Ebonics be stupid"
1.
Leroy is 18 and in the 8th grade. Homework is hard for him.
One day, Leroy got an easy homework assignment. All he had to do was put each of the following vocabulary words in a sentence. Here's what he wrote. (Ebonic style)
1. HOTEL - I gave my girlfriend da crabs and the HOTEL everybody.
2. RECTUM - I had two Cadillacs, but my ol' lady RECTUM both.
3. DISAPPOINTMENT - My parole officer tol me if I miss DISAPPOINTMENT
they gonna send me back to the big house.
4. FORECLOSE - If I pay alimony this month, I'll have no money
FORECLOSE.
5. CATACOMB - Don King was at the fight the other night, Man,
somebody give that CATACOMB.
6. PENIS - I went to da doctor and he handed me a cup and said PENIS.
7. ISRAEL - Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex, I said Man, that looks
fake. He said, No, ISRAEL.
8. UNDERMINE - There is a fine lookin' hoe livin' in the apartment
UNDERMINE.
9. TRIPOLI - I was gonna buy my old lady a bra but I couldn't
find no TRIPOLI.
10. STAIN - My mother-in-law axed if I was STAIN for dinner again.
11. SELDOM - My cousin gave me two tickets to the Knicks game, so I
SELDOM.
12. ODYSSEY - I told my bro, you ODYSSEY the tits on this hoe.
13. HORDE - My sister got into trouble because she HORDE around in
school.
14. INCOME - I just got in bed wit dis hoe and INCOME my wife.
15. HONOR - At the rape trial, the judge axed my buddy, who be HONOR
first?
16. FORTIFY - I axed da hoe how much? And she say FORTIFY.
2.
In the past, our ATM machines have had 2 choices on them.
English, or Espanol. Now, they look like this:
Enter Language Preference:
1. English
2. Espanol
3. Mo Money
3.
ARTERY........................... The study of painings
BARIUM........................... What you do when CPR fails
CESAREAN SECTION....... A district in Rome
COLIC.............................. A sheep dog
DILATE............................ To live longer
FESTER.......................... Quicker
G.I. SERIES.................... Baseball game between teams of soldires
HANGNAIL...................... A coat hook
MORBID.......................... A higher offer
NITRATE......................... Higher than day rate
NODE............................. Was aware of
ORGANIC........................ Musical
OUTPATIENT................... A person who has fainted
POST-OPERATIVE............ A letter carrier
PROTEIN.......................... In favor of young people
SECRETION..................... Hiding anything
SEROLOGY...................... A study of English knighthood
TABLET............................. A small table
TUMOR............................. An extra pair
URINE.............................. Opposite of you're out
VARICOSE VEINS............ Veins which are very close together
4.
Now that you learned how Leroy applies the English language to
everyday conversation, I've now prepared a reference to interpret
Leroy's typical idioms.
A few terms to help you get started on your merry way towards the
ve-nak-u-lar...
"Damn - that s**t is DOPE!"
~~~~~ That is a wonderful concept/object/action.
"I can't FADE that!"
~~~~~ I am unable to handle this at this time.
"Shante ain't HAVIN' it!"
~~~~~ This is not something that Shante will allow to occur.
"Homey- Boo was dropping PHAT beats."
~~~~~ Our friend Boo was playing some wonderful music.
"YO!- Let me GAFFLE that BLUNT!"
~~~~~ Might I be able to indulge in your marijuana cigarette?
"JIMMY was on and I was HITTIN' it!"
~~~~~ I had in my possession of a condom, which was used in my
engagement of sexual activity.
"What's up? Why you ALL UP IN my s**t!?!"
~~~~~ Please sir/madam- stay out of my affairs.
"She is HELLA' CLOWIN' you HOMEY!"
~~~~~ The woman is creatively informing you that her interest in
dating you is non-existant at this time.
"Woooooo- Renaldo was PITCHIN' STRAIGHT GAME to baby-doll, and it was
SMOOOOOOOVE!"
~~~~~ Renaldo was creatively inquiring as to the marital status of the
female, with the intention of asking her on a date.
"STEP OFF Cool- before I bust PHAT CAPS in your A** with my NEENER..."
~~~~~ It would be beneficial to your physical state to leave this
area, as I will soon be encouraged by your disrespect towards me to
shoot bullets into your fanny with my 9mm handgun.
"Why is 5-OH always BUGGIN'!?!"
~~~~~ Why are the police officers always worried?
"Friday night- COLD CHILLIN' with a 40 and a BLUNT."
~~~~~ It is Friday evening, and I am leisurely enjoying a forty ounce
bottle of malt liquor and a marijuana cigarette.
5.
Ebonics beauty pageant
The first Ebonics Beauty Pageant was to be held in Oakland on Valentine's Day but it had to be cancelled. The committee could only get 49 states to send representatives because no one wanted to say in public "IDAHO".
6.
A Prayer???
English:
Our Father, who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy Kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us
And lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil
For thine is the Kingdom, the power and the glory, forever and ever.
Amen
Ebonics:
Yo, Big Daddy upstairs
You be chillin
So be yo hood
You be sayin' it, I be doin' it
In this here hood and yo's
Gimme some eats
And cut me some slack, Blood
Sos I be doin' it to dem dat diss me
don't be pushing me into no jive
and keep dem Crips away
'Cause you always be da Man
Aaa-men
7.
Ebonics MidTerm
Algebra I Mid Term Exam ...........Ebonics Version
Directions: -Make sho yo be putting yo name on the upper right hand comer.
-Don't be axing no dumbass questions and keep yo shifty mothafuckin eyes on yo own sorryass papers.
Number I.(25%)
Elon and Tyrell bot want to meet fo lunch. Elon's home be 5 mile north of Tyrell. If Elon leave at 10:30 bookin bout 3 mile per hour while Tyrell, who have one coolass bike, ain't not departin till I 1:00 zoomin bout 20 mile per hour, what time be Elon axing Tyrell for a bite of fiied chicken?
Number 2.(25%)
Yolanda, she be 11 year older than her daughter Carinda. Carinda have a
bitch Carmel who haf her age. In how many years be Carmel haf as old as
that uglyass ho Yolanda?
Number 3.(40%)
If Leroy axes Marvin fo 10 gram of 60% coke an Marvin ain't not got
nothing but 8 gram of 80% and some ol 20% shit, how much of the cheap stuff be
Marvin mixing up so Leroy can go off the hizzie?
Number 4.(10%)
Lenwood and Keshawn jus lifted one gross of basketballs offa Kmart. If studly Lenwood can dunk fo mo balls per minute than Keshawn, how long be these bros slammin and jammin fo they be needin suh mo balls to play wif?
Extra Credit:
Which number, A or B be bigger? Make sho you shows all yo work.
A. The total number of hos Wilt Chamberlain and B.B. King be sleeping wif.
B. The number of yard OJ done ran fo in his best season timeses the number a cuts he be putting in that nogood honkey bitch Nicole afta catchin her wif a guy what ain't got no goddam mothafuckin rights be ridin roun wif OJs car.
8.
What did you say.?
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come once-a more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorts the lady indignantly. "In this country, we don't talk about our sex lives in public. That's disgusting!"
"Hey, coola down lady," the man replies, "I'mma just tella my friend how to spell Mississippi."
9.
No doubt some Bible societies will feel compelled to publish a new translation of the Holy Scriptures in the newly discovered language of Ebonics. Here is a head start for them:
EBONICS ENGLISH
Big Daddy's Rap The Lord's Prayer
Yo, Big Daddy upstairs Our Father, who art in heaven
You be chillin' Hallowed be thy name
So be yo hood Thy kingdom come
You be sayin it, I be doin it Thy will be done
In this here hood and yos On Earth as it is in Heaven
Gimme some eats Give us this day our daily bread
And cut me some slack, Blood And forgive us our trespasses
Sos I be doin it to dem dat dis me As we forgive those who trespass against us
Don't be pushin me into no jive And lead us not into temptation
And keep dem Crips away But deliver us from evil
Cuz you always be da man For Thine is the Kingdom, the Power and the glory forever and ever
Aaa-men Amen
10.
Hooked on Ebonics
Now people who have had the luxury of learning from the Hooked on Phonics
tapes can look foward to the all new Hooked on Ebonics series. As you all
know, the Hooked on Phonics tapes taught us sentence structure like.
"That dog is running across the street fast"
But now that we have mastered that form of language, we can begin to start
our Hooked on Ebonics series. This series will teach us new and improved
sentence structure like...
"Dat mutt be runnin' cross da steet ly a ma-fa"
This new series will ultimately teach you how to relate to others in a new
language. In other words, it will be teaching you how to properly
structure words and spell them in a way that saves time. In short it is
a revision of how you USED to talk before you got suckered into purchasing
the Hooked on Phonics tapes. These tapes will be available only after you
purchase the Hooked on Phonics tapes. Finally, this new series will not
only teach people a new way of communicating, but it will allow people to
choose how they wish to communcate. Or in Ebonics terms...
Dis new stuff be show'n fowks how to be speek'n to dey own
peepole 'nd't be show'n peepole dat dey can choos how to be
speek'n to eech uder.
Leroy is a 20 year old 9th grader. This is Leroy's homework assignment
after completing the Hooked on Ebonics series. He successfully used each
vocabulary word in a sentence.
(I think these are new ones......)
1. Acoustic - When I was little my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to
da pool hall.
2. Iraq - When we get to da pool hall I tol my uncle iraq you break.
3. Odyssey - I tol my brother you odyssey da buty on that hoe.
4. Sodomy - When I go out at night, I like to have one bitch on one
sodomy and another bitcho n de other sodomy.
5. Decide - My favorite girls are Waanda and Yolanda, but I like to keep
a couple on decide.
6. Afford - I wanted to buy a Cadillac, but had to settle for afford.
7. Subpoena - I went to the john at the concert, but the lines were long
and I hadda go bad, so da man sez subpoena sink.
8. Manual - I told my buddy Tyrone, manual get yourself in trouble if you
keep messin with dat hoe.
9. Mister - My girlfrin went on vacation and I really mister.
10. Cadaver - I told my buddy Tyrone I liked his sister and wanted to see
her and he said I cadaver.
11. Paramour - I was playing cards with my buddy Antonio and I said 'Wadda
you got?' He said 'I got an ace high and you're gonna need a paramour
to beat me.
12. Polyp - On my way home from the Pistons game the other night, I was
involved in a fi car polyp.
13. Urinal - After the police broke down my door last night, they said,
'Darnett, urinal lot a trouble.'
T h e . e n d .