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Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 109206 times)

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Evil Muppet

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #75 on: March 26, 2009, 01:10:13 PM »

A guy walks into the bar and orders 9 shots of tequilia. So the bartender pours nine shots and the man downs one after the other.

"Holy shit!" the bartender exclaimes "That the most tequila I've ever seen anyone drink that fast before - whats the occassion?"

"My first blow job" the man anounces quite plainly.

"Well" the bartender replies "let me buy you another!"

"Listen, if 9 doesn't take the taste out of my mouth, another one won't help."

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Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.

CaL DaVe

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #76 on: June 16, 2009, 03:05:10 PM »

As a plane is losing power, a pilot comes over the intercom & says
"sorry it had to come to this folks, but we've already let the luggage
go & the plane continues to lose speed". "i hate to have to do this, but
now we're gonna have to start releasing passengers by alphabet order
beginning with the letter "A"AFRICANS, ANY AFRICANS"?... No one answers
"B" BLACK PEOPLE ANY BLACK PEOPLE"? again, silence."C" COLORED PEOPLE,
ANY COLORED PEOPLE"?...silence. A black boy turns to his mother & says
"mom, aren't we african american?, aren't we black? Aren't we colored"?
the mother turns to her son & says today we NIGGAS, let mexicans go
first".The little black boy turns to the little mexican kid sitting next
to him and laughs! The mexican kids laughs back & says "nigga I'm a
WETBACK
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Pocho

Sam Gunn (since nobody got Admiral Naismith)

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #77 on: June 16, 2009, 03:38:52 PM »

As a plane is losing power, a pilot comes over the intercom & says
"sorry it had to come to this folks, but we've already let the luggage
go & the plane continues to lose speed". "i hate to have to do this, but
now we're gonna have to start releasing passengers by alphabet order
beginning with the letter "A"AFRICANS, ANY AFRICANS"?... No one answers
"B" BLACK PEOPLE ANY BLACK PEOPLE"? again, silence."C" COLORED PEOPLE,
ANY COLORED PEOPLE"?...silence. A black boy turns to his mother & says
"mom, aren't we african american?, aren't we black? Aren't we colored"?
the mother turns to her son & says today we NIGGAS, let mexicans go
first".The little black boy turns to the little mexican kid sitting next
to him and laughs! The mexican kids laughs back & says "nigga I'm a
WETBACK

lol good one.
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"Do not throw rocks at people with guns." —Hastings' Third Law
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." —Herman Wouk 

"If you want total security, go to prison. There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

Yellow American

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #78 on: June 17, 2009, 02:37:48 AM »

顶楼主!UP!
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Sam Gunn (since nobody got Admiral Naismith)

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #79 on: June 17, 2009, 02:43:24 AM »

Tower main thing up! ?!?!?
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"Do not throw rocks at people with guns." —Hastings' Third Law
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." —Herman Wouk 

"If you want total security, go to prison. There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

libertylover

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #80 on: June 17, 2009, 01:33:13 PM »

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom covers up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
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Sam Gunn (since nobody got Admiral Naismith)

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #81 on: June 19, 2009, 12:56:31 AM »

Why Some Men Have Dogs and not Wives

1.  The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
 
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
 
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
 
4. A dog's parents never visit.
 
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
 
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, 'If I died, would you get another dog?'

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
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"Do not throw rocks at people with guns." —Hastings' Third Law
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." —Herman Wouk 

"If you want total security, go to prison. There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

Sam Gunn (since nobody got Admiral Naismith)

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #82 on: September 23, 2009, 12:15:01 PM »

Why Men Should Not Write Advice Columns
 


Dear John,

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work
leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled
and then it broke down about a mile down the road and I had
to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I
couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the
neighbor's daughter!

I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is
19. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted
him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having
an affair for the past six months. He won't go to counseling
and I'm afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can
you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila


Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be
caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by
checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it
is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake
manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of
these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the
fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure
to the injectors.

I hope this helps,

John
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"Do not throw rocks at people with guns." —Hastings' Third Law
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." —Herman Wouk 

"If you want total security, go to prison. There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

davann

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #83 on: September 23, 2009, 02:59:17 PM »

A good looking dude picks up another good looking dude at the local gay bar. They head back to his place for a little fun in the bedroom.

When they arrive the 1st dude decides the shower in the morning didn't take and it might be time for another. So he excuses himself explaining the situation to his guest.

Coming out of the shower the guy is shocked to see the other dude is laying naked on the bed along with a big turd near the end of the bed.

"What the fuck, man!" exclaims the guy.

To which the guest explains, "Sorry, I was so horny I couldn't wait. I started without you and came already."
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Libertarianssuck

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #84 on: September 23, 2009, 03:30:58 PM »

gross and i don't really get the humor...
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Rillion

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #85 on: September 23, 2009, 03:44:34 PM »

gross and i don't really get the humor...

Ditto. 
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BonerJoe

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #86 on: September 23, 2009, 05:01:12 PM »

What was the point of the turd?
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davann

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #87 on: September 23, 2009, 05:41:21 PM »

What was the point of the turd?

Damn, it ain't funny if it has to be explained but here goes.

The turd is the ejaculate of the gay male guest.

Forget it.
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Rillion

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #88 on: September 23, 2009, 05:43:47 PM »

What was the point of the turd?

Damn, it ain't funny if it has to be explained but here goes.

The turd is the ejaculate of the gay male guest.

Forget it.

Ummm, what?
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Libertarianssuck

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Re: Jokes
« Reply #89 on: September 23, 2009, 05:46:41 PM »

What was the point of the turd?

Damn, it ain't funny if it has to be explained but here goes.

The turd is the ejaculate of the gay male guest.

Forget it.

Ummm, what?

apparently gay guys function differently and ejaculate by taking a shit........
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