Dating Rant

[davann]

Sorry, LibLov, but that sounds like a bunch of new age Woman’s Lib crap one would hear spewing from a Berkley female professor that doesn’t shave her legs or pits. Along the lines of all male/female sex is rape.

My co-works and I got upset at our female boss for referring to us as her girls because we found it demeaning as professionals.  Male professionals with masters degrees wouldn't be refereed to as my boys by a boss. 

Not to make a big deal out of this, but is your female boss older? Seems being a “girl” would be a compliment in that case. But I can see that the workplace is no place to be addressing people outside the normal professional ways.  “Ladies” or “Worker Units” would be acceptable.

[Rillion]

Not to make a big deal out of this, but is your female boss older? Seems being a “girl” would be a compliment in that case. But I can see that the workplace is no place to be addressing people outside the normal professional ways.  “Ladies” or “Worker Units” would be acceptable.

I somehow doubt you'd feel flattered to be called "boy" by your older male boss, or really any older man.  It's belittling, isn't it?  As if you're a child.  Well, the same applies to women. 

[libertylover]

I don't know what to make of this, but the womans mother called the shadchan, and said that she didn't want to go on another date with me. She said we're on different wavelengths, because "I'm too smart for her"

The shadchan said she would try to find a smarter girl.

You have to look at the common factor which is you.  Something I remember from my dating years were boastful men.  They were the center of the universe in their own minds.  Whatever they felt was their strength they would boast about.  If it was money they would flaunt money.  If it was education they would talk down to me about their latest boring dissertation.  If it was political connection they would drop names.  None of those guys impressed me ever.  

I looked for someone who was similar to my father in personality and my dad was very popular.  The reason was always pointed out that he was a good listener.   Show interest in what the person you are dating has to say.  Find out what her hobbies are or her favorite color.  Ask her to tell you the story of her best day ever and listen.  Alternatively could ask the cliche' question.  If you were to be exiled to a desert island and could take 5 personal things with you what would you take?  And assume that the island has everything you need for survival already there.  

If she uses visual words it will tell you she is a visual person, feeling words indicates a tactile person, and if she uses sounds to describe her best day you know she is an audio person.   A visual person will like visual activities like sight seeing and art.  A tactile person will like food and sensations things like flower shows or petting animals.  An audio person likes music and playing musical instruments.   All people are combination of the types but one will dominate usually.  It is also a good idea to figure out which is your dominate.  Men tend to be audio and visual.  Women tend to be tactile.  Every individual is different so you have to listen.  You will get further with any individual if you talk in the language of their personality type.  So if you determine the person you are talking to is a visual talker use visually descriptive words.  

Another technique for getting along with people is called mirroring.  http://www.loveadvice.com/articles/Mirror_g.HTM

Many people do these things without thinking about it.  People who are socially awkward or have difficulties with the opposite sex have to actively practice.    The best match will be someone who has a similar personality type but dates can go much better if you can talk in any personality types language.  This is important because you might not be right for her but possibly a friend of hers or a cousin.  If you impress her but aren't her type she may refer you to a better match.  

[davann]

Not to make a big deal out of this, but is your female boss older? Seems being a “girl” would be a compliment in that case. But I can see that the workplace is no place to be addressing people outside the normal professional ways.  “Ladies” or “Worker Units” would be acceptable.

I somehow doubt you'd feel flattered to be called "boy" by your older male boss, or really any older man.  It's belittling, isn't it?  As if you're a child.  Well, the same applies to women. 

"Boy" has a different negative racial meaning in our society than "girl". I stick with Worker Unit 1, 2 or 3. Depending on whom I am adressing in my department and their level of importance to me. This way I avoid any ill feelings with the broads being called something they might find offensive.

[Rillion]

"Boy" has a different negative racial meaning in our society than "girl".

Yes, but I believe you are white and smart enough to know that that racial meaning would not be implied in your case.  I still doubt you'd appreciate being referred to that way. 

[Andy]

eh, boys/girls plural is different from boy/girl singular

I wouldn't find the former particularly offensive. Actually on reflection even the singular wouldn't bother me if the age difference was enough to make it appropriate. I can see how it might be different for someone older though.

[davann]

"Boy" has a different negative racial meaning in our society than "girl".

Yes, but I believe you are white and smart enough to know that that racial meaning would not be implied in your case.  I still doubt you'd appreciate being referred to that way.  

Depends on the inflection in hows it is said. I've been called "boy" in the racial way even though I am as white as Wonder Bread. I've also been called "son" by older people that are not my father. I take it as term used by older folk to get the point that they have more wisdom than I do and maybe I should listen up for a bit. They are usually right. It could have be taken as insulting though if I was less secure with myself and my place in the pecking order.

[Rillion]

I've also been called "son" by older people that are not my father. I take it as term used by older folk to get the point that they have more wisdom than I do and maybe I should listen up for a bit. They are usually right. It could have be taken as insulting though if I was less secure with myself and my place in the pecking order.

Right....it couldn't possibly be that it was meant as insulting by someone who isn't your elder, or otherwise used inappropriately by someone (elder or not) who is talking down to you.  Only an insecure person would take it as such.  I see.  

[davann]

Only an insecure person would take it as such.  I see.  

You said it not me.

Lets face it, women have not as of yet gotten their sea legs in work place. One would that they would have by now but such is not the case. Business is still a man's world and women know it. That is what leads to these insecure emotions and misplaced feeling of being slighted. Which is why I have to stick with "Worker Unit 1". Bosses tend to get a little peeved they have to adjust their behavior to suite their subordinates feelings. They might never come out and say it but it is still there.

[The ghost of a ghost of a ghost]

Now, now boys and girls.

Behave and be nice to one another.

[Rillion]

[davann]

Eh, I was trying to give a little advice. Advice in my opinion that is needed. Maybe not to you, or even LL either, but to people in general. Life would be much easier if people grew a little thicker skin. Now, I have to build a paper trail on a person that is decent worker whom I actual like but does not fit into the group any more. And, no it was not I that said "girl'. She is Worker Unit 3. So, she is out. All over nothing. Fuck, how I hate interviewing people.

[Sam Gunn (since nobody got Admiral Naismith)]

Not to make a big deal out of this, but is your female boss older? Seems being a “girl” would be a compliment in that case. But I can see that the workplace is no place to be addressing people outside the normal professional ways.  “Ladies” or “Worker Units” would be acceptable.

I somehow doubt you'd feel flattered to be called "boy" by your older male boss, or really any older man.  It's belittling, isn't it?  As if you're a child.  Well, the same applies to women. 

"Boy" has a different negative racial meaning in our society than "girl". I stick with Worker Unit 1, 2 or 3. Depending on whom I am adressing in my department and their level of importance to me. This way I avoid any ill feelings with the broads being called something they might find offensive.

I find that offensive.  I am a human being not a "worker unit #1"!  Rescind that demeaning comment immediately or face the wrath of something or other.


Some people will find anything offensive.  There's not point in sugar coating with those folks.

[Rillion]

Eh, I was trying to give a little advice. Advice in my opinion that is needed. Maybe not to you, or even LL either, but to people in general. Life would be much easier if people grew a little thicker skin.

Oh, so you're not trolling...just an idiot.  I see.

(Don't like that? Grow a thicker skin; life will be easier.)

[davann]

Eh, I was trying to give a little advice. Advice in my opinion that is needed. Maybe not to you, or even LL either, but to people in general. Life would be much easier if people grew a little thicker skin.

Oh, so you're not trolling...just an idiot.  I see.

(Don't like that? Grow a thicker skin; life will be easier.)

I think this is just a case of you only hurt the ones you love. It stung a little, I gotta say.