FACT: This is a photo of Mark Edge, aka Manwich
FACT: This is a photo of the indy pop band The Smiths circa 1985
The powers that be (they) would have you believe that the person standing to Morrissey's right in the above photo is Andy Rourke.
[They = The powers that be...probably Jews]
FACT: This is Andy Rourke
This man is clearly not the man pictured to the right of Morrissey above...that man is clearly the one we know as "Mark Edge"
So...why the subterfuge?
With 10 minutes worth of searching the internet, 18 minutes listening to Alex Jones and quick call placed to Scott in Massachusetts, I was able to uncover the conspiracy...
Agents of Brøderbund Software had infiltrated the highest levels of Tri-Mart Corporation; a Wisconsin-based wholesaler of cleaning supplies, where, in collusion with the governments of; Belize, The Gambia, Moldova and Canada, they conspired to make Old Dutch Potato Chips and Black Bear Soda available within the school system as well as on the shelves of the convenience stores throughout the greater Menomonie area, as far east as Eau Claire. Brøderbund's involvement largely a mystery, some facts have surfaced; Mark Edge, under an assumed name ("Manwich" hereafter), was recruited by Brøderbund, trained, equipped and given the mission of gaining acceptance into the recently emerged indy pop scene in order to supplant an existing band member with the purpose steering the song writing process towards the creation of depressing songs with catchy melodies; teenagers were powerless to resist and had little choice but to seek solace in a bag of potato chips or a fresh can of soda...whatever happened to be available...Black Bear or Old Dutch perhaps? - now you are beginning to see...but there is more.
How could he possibly have replaced an existing band member without anyone noticing? Genetically manipulated coffee beans were the key to softening the memories of band members and coffee drinkers alike, making them more vulnerable to "Manwich's" already impressive powers of persuasion, thereby allowing his arrival to go unnoticed. The plan was perfect, but "Manwich" was not, and things did go horribly wrong; as part of his cover,"Manwich" had been intimately involved in the manufacture of quality coffee products with the Berres family beginning in 1970, until 1987, when the Berres brothers became aware that "Manwich" had been pilfering toilet paper and smuggling gym socks in his pants, they prevented him from accessing the beans which had allowed his devious actions to continue unabated, but they were not able to remove him completely due to his close friendship with the family patriarch.
Unable to procure the beans necessary to further perpetuate his ruse, he had little choice but to allow Andy Rourke to return to the band; dazed, confused and unsure of what had transpired, The Smiths, without the creative genius and dulcet tones of this impostor, began writing happy songs and broke up later that year. In 1992, Peter and Jeff Berres officially took control of the family business and began roasting their
own coffee; the Berres Brothers Coffee brand was born and "Manwich" was finally forced out. He had no choice but to go into hiding for the next 6 years, ultimately retreating into a prefabricated history which few would care to challenge, left to wait and hope, that his deception would go undiscovered...until now.
Brøderbund Software, secretly controlled by a cabal of Black, Jewish bankers, has largely retreated from its efforts to control popular music in order to bolster snack sales, and has since taken up efforts to promote White Supremacy and trans-fat awareness. Some theories suggest that Billy Corgan may be the result of a partnership between Brøderbund Software and Berres Brothers Coffee; this would explain why "Manwich" has been pushing so hard to secure a seat on the Specialty Coffee Association of America panel. There is also a theory floating around, that Billy Corgan is actually a "Manwich" clone who attempted to insert his head in the rectum of a rotund Brazillian woman, and lost his hair in the mutual combat that ensued.
*Modified - added paragraph breaks to aid in readability.
*Deleted a few words here and there, for purposes of gramatification.
*Updated Billy Corgan theory as per recently revealed data from a reliable source.
The Free Talk Live BBS
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Topic: Conspiracy Theory: Mark Edge & The Smiths (Read 2459 times)