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Author Topic: Coke and urinalysis  (Read 9191 times)

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mrapplecastle

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Re: Coke and urinalysis
« Reply #15 on: August 17, 2010, 06:23:52 PM »

I thought of an idea worse than the condom.

Use a catheter and put someone elses urine into your bladder.
made me think of the movie harsh times, when christian bale used a turkey baster

this has always worked for me
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ForumTroll

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Re: Coke and urinalysis
« Reply #16 on: August 17, 2010, 07:05:19 PM »

Nobody has mentioned the fact that piss inspections reserve the right to observe the piss coming out of your goddamn dickhole. 

I had a Puerto Rican probation officer. Tiny white boy dick must have been funny.
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Riddler

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Re: Coke and urinalysis
« Reply #17 on: August 17, 2010, 07:45:51 PM »

drink gallons of herbal tea over the weekend & , as a backup plan, while the guy is watching you pee, reach over & slit his throat w/ a straight razor.
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Turd Ferguson

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Re: Coke and urinalysis
« Reply #18 on: August 17, 2010, 08:50:37 PM »

drink gallons of herbal tea over the weekend & , as a backup plan, while the guy is watching you pee, reach over & slit his throat w/ a straight razor.


Just make sure you dont contaminate the sample with all that blood.
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timmysoboy

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Re: Coke and urinalysis
« Reply #19 on: August 19, 2010, 07:47:42 PM »

Yeah, I wound up shootin smack in front of the guy.  He didn't know what to do and freaked out.  Long story short I got promoted due to lack of Standard Operating Procedure.
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ForumTroll

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Re: Coke and urinalysis
« Reply #20 on: August 19, 2010, 07:57:55 PM »

...
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anarchir

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Re: Coke and urinalysis
« Reply #21 on: August 20, 2010, 02:41:44 PM »

 :shock:
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Bill Brasky

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Re: Coke and urinalysis
« Reply #22 on: August 20, 2010, 05:39:52 PM »

Nobody has mentioned the fact that piss inspections reserve the right to observe the piss coming out of your goddamn dickhole. 

I had a Puerto Rican probation officer. Tiny white boy dick must have been funny.

When I was giving piss for The Man, we had to go behind a one-way window.  You could see the guy come in, barely, because of the light behind him. 

So I'd pull my dick out like woo-hoo!, unzip all the way.  No shyness here.  Wag it around a little bit, to get it goin'. 

Also, they hate when you fill the cup.  So, naturally...  Fill the cup. 









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Turd Ferguson

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Re: Coke and urinalysis
« Reply #23 on: August 20, 2010, 09:28:01 PM »

Nobody has mentioned the fact that piss inspections reserve the right to observe the piss coming out of your goddamn dickhole. 

I had a Puerto Rican probation officer. Tiny white boy dick must have been funny.

When I was giving piss for The Man, we had to go behind a one-way window.  You could see the guy come in, barely, because of the light behind him. 

So I'd pull my dick out like woo-hoo!, unzip all the way.  No shyness here.  Wag it around a little bit, to get it goin'. 

Also, they hate when you fill the cup.  So, naturally...  Fill the cup. 











Good plan, make sure its filled like this, so unless he has nerves of steel, hes inevitably gonna get your piss on his hands.

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ForumTroll

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Re: Coke and urinalysis
« Reply #24 on: August 20, 2010, 09:51:50 PM »

"Oh, I thought you wanted a sperm sample."
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razerfish

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Re: Coke and urinalysis
« Reply #25 on: August 21, 2010, 04:29:17 AM »

Here is a hypothetical:  Let's say someone used finished using coke at 0400 on a saturday morning, and had a urynalysis at 0600 on monday morning.  This person used a 1/2 gram throughout the night, and it was their first time using it.  The person is athletic with very little body fat and has a respectable metabolism.  what are the chances of passing the the test, and does anyone know how to clean their system quickly?

You're going to fail your drug test. Do whatever you can to buy yourself some more time. I know a guy that did almost the exact same amount (a gram, actually) in the same time-frame and he failed his test. The doctor got on the phone right out and asked him the last time he did coke. Oh, and if you do fail, when they ask you the prelim. questions before they tell you you failed, say 'yes' when they ask if you've been to the dentist recently. Lidocaine or Novocaine is what they're obviously feeling you our for, so say yes. You have a root canal or something a week ago, why?

To try and pass it, drink tons of water and exercise like there's no tomorrow. Not sure if it will work, but it's your best shot.
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Bill Brasky

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Re: Coke and urinalysis
« Reply #26 on: August 21, 2010, 01:40:26 PM »

Here is a hypothetical:  Let's say someone used finished using coke at 0400 on a saturday morning, and had a urynalysis at 0600 on monday morning.  This person used a 1/2 gram throughout the night, and it was their first time using it.  The person is athletic with very little body fat and has a respectable metabolism.  what are the chances of passing the the test, and does anyone know how to clean their system quickly?

You're going to fail your drug test. Do whatever you can to buy yourself some more time. I know a guy that did almost the exact same amount (a gram, actually) in the same time-frame and he failed his test. The doctor got on the phone right out and asked him the last time he did coke. Oh, and if you do fail, when they ask you the prelim. questions before they tell you you failed, say 'yes' when they ask if you've been to the dentist recently. Lidocaine or Novocaine is what they're obviously feeling you our for, so say yes. You have a root canal or something a week ago, why?

To try and pass it, drink tons of water and exercise like there's no tomorrow. Not sure if it will work, but it's your best shot.


lrn2chemistry.  The suffix "caine" only means that they are related as synthetic alkaloids used as an anesthetic.  Its just pharmacological code.  It is the prefix that is diverse, as each is unique and produces different signature metabolites -like fingerprints- which trigger a positive reaction in testing.  The probability of these metabolites causing a false-positive is low, because benzoylecgonine is unique to cocaine, which is why they look for it.  

--

Lidocaine is approximately 90% metabolized (de-ethylated) in the liver by CYP1A2 (and to a minor extent CYP3A4) to the pharmacologically-active metabolites monoethylglycinexylidide and glycinexylidide.

Procaine (novocaine), an ester anesthetic, is metabolized in the plasma by the enzyme pseudocholinesterase through hydrolysis into para-amino benzoic acid (PABA), which is then excreted by the kidneys into the urine.

Cocaine is extensively metabolized, primarily in the liver, with only about 1% excreted unchanged in the urine. The metabolism is dominated by hydrolytic ester cleavage, so the eliminated metabolites consist mostly of benzoylecgonine (BE), the major metabolite, and other significant metabolites in lesser amounts such as ecgonine methyl ester (EME) and ecgonine. Further minor metabolites of cocaine include norcocaine, p-hydroxycocaine, m-hydroxycocaine, p-hydroxybenzoylecgonine (pOHBE), and m-hydroxybenzoylecgonine.[65]  These do not include metabolites created beyond the standard metabolism of the drug in the human body, like for example by the process of pyrolysis such as is the case with methylecgonidine.

Depending on liver and kidney function, cocaine metabolites are detectable in urine. Benzoylecgonine can be detected in urine within four hours after cocaine intake and remains detectable in concentrations greater than 150 ng/ml typically for up to eight days after cocaine is used.
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