BREAKING NEWS: I captured Bigfoot.... for real!!!

[Fred]

[Turd Ferguson]

You were misinformed about how to dispose of a sasquatch's body: you're supposed to bury it with its head pointed toward Roswell.  Judging from your picture, though I'd say that its boobs peg it as female, unless it was a tranny.

A tranny Samsquamch?


Impossible.

Sure, it had man boobs, but so do a lot of dudes. I'm tellin ya, it was a dude.

[anarchir]

I love that gif. I used to be pretty sure there was a bigfoot, but these days I am significantly less sure. There is no legitimate reason why we couldnt have found him by now, and 99% of reported cases are easily debunked (that doesnt make the 1% any more real).

[Bill Brasky]

When I was a little kid, about five, I was riding in the car (front passenger, no laws).  We were going down a highway, about road speed, fifty-five.  It was dusk, but not dark.

There was this lizard-thing standing on the side of the road, and I remember thinking "Godzilla", it was the only frame of reference to that basic shape of creature I had.  But it was small.  Maybe about the size of a fireplug.  And sorta skinny.  By todays groupthink, it would most resemble the Geico lizard. 

I remember not saying anything, because it went by so rapidly, it was like "bu-buh-b-" and there was nothing to point at, it was passed.

Since then, I think I may have seen it twice more.  Both times, coming home late, and by that token, probably messed up to some degree.  In full dark.  Same highway, just headlights.  But this time, a bit taller.  Like a Kimodo dragon, standing on its upright hinds. 

I donno.  Whatever.  Could've been a prank. 

[hellbilly]

Why is Hellbilly suddenly a internet gigolo?

Hellbilly is no more. I am Braco. My gaze will heal you. Nonbelievers can google it.

 
(can you feel that? Admiral could.)

The power lies not in my beautiful hair, but thanks just the same.

[Turd Ferguson]

When I was a little kid, about five, I was riding in the car (front passenger, no laws).  We were going down a highway, about road speed, fifty-five.  It was dusk, but not dark.

There was this lizard-thing standing on the side of the road, and I remember thinking "Godzilla", it was the only frame of reference to that basic shape of creature I had.  But it was small.  Maybe about the size of a fireplug.  And sorta skinny.  By todays groupthink, it would most resemble the Geico lizard. 

I remember not saying anything, because it went by so rapidly, it was like "bu-buh-b-" and there was nothing to point at, it was passed.

Since then, I think I may have seen it twice more.  Both times, coming home late, and by that token, probably messed up to some degree.  In full dark.  Same highway, just headlights.  But this time, a bit taller.  Like a Kimodo dragon, standing on its upright hinds. 

I donno.  Whatever.  Could've been a prank. 

More than likely, it was a Grey.  If I were you, I would get myself one of those tree mounted cameras that deer hunters and nature buffs use to auto-snap photos using a motion detector inside the thing. Place it on a tree and wait a few days before you go back to check it. If you get confirmation of what it was that you saw, we can move on to the next step...... bait and trap options.

[cavalier973]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patterson-Gimlin_film

"Anatomist D.W. Grieve of the Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine studied a copy of the film in 1971, and wrote a detailed analysis. He notes, "The possibility of a very clever fake cannot be ruled out on the evidence of the film" but also writes that his analysis hinges largely on the question of filming speed.

Grieve concluded that "the possibility of fakery is ruled out if the speed of the film was 16 or 18 frames per second. In these conditions a normal human being could not duplicate the observed pattern, which would suggest that the Sasquatch must possess a very different locomotor system to that of man." If filmed at the higher speed, Grieve concluded that the creature "walked with a gait pattern very similar in most respects to a man walking at high speed."

Grieve stated, "I can see the muscle masses in the appropriate places... If it is a fake, it is an extremely clever one."[31] Like Krantz, Grieve thought the figure's shoulders were quite broad. Also like Krantz, Grieve thought Patterson's estimate of the figure's height was inaccurate. Grieve concluded the figure in the Patterson film revealed "an estimated standing height for the subject of not more than 6 ft 5 in (1.96 m)." He notes that a tall human is consistent with the figure's height but also notes that for a tall human "[t]he shoulder breadth however would be difficult to achieve without giving an unnatural appearance to the arm swing and shoulder contours."[32]

Grieve notes that his "subjective impressions have oscillated between total acceptance of the Sasquatch based on the grounds that the film would be difficult to fake, to one of irrational rejection based on an emotional response to the possibility that the Sasquatch actually exists. This seems worth stating because others have reacted similarly to the film."[33]"

[Bill Brasky]

If I were you,

..you'd sit here and take a slurp of this here drink. 

[Turd Ferguson]

If I were you,

..you'd sit here and take a slurp of this here drink. 

....long as its got Jose Cuervo

[Fred]

amen, and don't forget the lime....

[alaric89]

Yes, I know its hard to believe, but its 100% TRUE.

Let me take you through what happened........

Today, about 9:30am CST, I was working out in this little podunk town called Homer, IL putting a 2.4 GHz parabolic antenna on a radio tower for a farm CO-OP that needed it for its DTN farm reports and whatnot. Anyway, it starts raining a bit and I could hear thunder out in the distance, so I had to call it quits about half way through the job. I get in my work van and start driving home down this curvy wooded road right next to a creek that runs through the area. So im jamming out to Pink Floyd's The Great Gig In The Sky feelin' good, happy in the knowledge that my work day is done early and I can just go home and relax.

All of the sudden, right out in front of my work van, comes this fuzzy, brown, blurry shape running from right to left. I try hitting the brakes, but to no avail. BAMM!!! Whatever it is, does considerable damage to my front right quarter panel and I eventually come to a complete stop. I get out to have a peek at what could have hit my van with such force, and low and behold, its Bigfoot. I wanted to call the authorities to come out and check it out, but I was well beyond any cell signal strong enough to make a call. Needless to say, I was FREAKED THE FUCK OUT!!!.  I though to myself "WTF am I gonna do with this thing? I cant just leave it on the side of the road, to rot and be eaten by buzzards and coyotes. I've gotta do something"

Then I remembered the old Lummi Nation indian tribe saying that says "If Sasquatch is ever captured, you must honor the lifeforce and lay it to rest at bottom of creekbed."

So, needless to say, being that I didnt want a whole bunch of Lummi indian spirits fucking with me for the rest of my days, I pulled the corpse of the creature down to the edge of the creek, tied a bunch of non-buoyant logs, maybe about 60 lbs each to its extremities with some bungy cords I use for work sometimes. Then I chucked him in the water, never to be seen again.

Luckily, to satisfy your curiosity and for my credibility, I first took a photo of the creature with my 8mp HD camera on my cell phone. I figured, if I didn't, there would be no way anyone would believe that I actually killed Sasquatch. I wouldn't believe it either.

Anyway, heres the proof below, taken on my 8mp HD camera. Just wanted to put to rest any doubts about my story.

I have given your story a lot of thought. I think you are bullshitting us.
There are no sinking wood trees in Illinois.

[anarchir]

http://www.firetown.com/blog/2011/05/06/breaking-news-bigfoot-killed-in-japan-no-photo-no-body-no-tape-but/

[alaric89]

Hmmm. Quickmike isn't holding THE  Bigfoot for ransom for a October surprise then. Maybe Bigfoot isn't as great a bargaining chip as he thought.

[Turd Ferguson]

Hmmm. Quickmike isn't holding THE  Bigfoot for ransom for a October surprise then. Maybe Bigfoot isn't as great a bargaining chip as he thought.

Pawn shop only gave me like 10 bucks for the left foot 

[Fred]

probably could've gotten more if it had a pussy in it.