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Turd Ferguson

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BREAKING NEWS: I captured Bigfoot.... for real!!!
« on: May 03, 2011, 01:56:24 PM »

Yes, I know its hard to believe, but its 100% TRUE.

Let me take you through what happened........

Today, about 9:30am CST, I was working out in this little podunk town called Homer, IL putting a 2.4 GHz parabolic antenna on a radio tower for a farm CO-OP that needed it for its DTN farm reports and whatnot. Anyway, it starts raining a bit and I could hear thunder out in the distance, so I had to call it quits about half way through the job. I get in my work van and start driving home down this curvy wooded road right next to a creek that runs through the area. So im jamming out to Pink Floyd's The Great Gig In The Sky feelin' good, happy in the knowledge that my work day is done early and I can just go home and relax.

All of the sudden, right out in front of my work van, comes this fuzzy, brown, blurry shape running from right to left. I try hitting the brakes, but to no avail. BAMM!!! Whatever it is, does considerable damage to my front right quarter panel and I eventually come to a complete stop. I get out to have a peek at what could have hit my van with such force, and low and behold, its Bigfoot. I wanted to call the authorities to come out and check it out, but I was well beyond any cell signal strong enough to make a call. Needless to say, I was FREAKED THE FUCK OUT!!!.  I though to myself "WTF am I gonna do with this thing? I cant just leave it on the side of the road, to rot and be eaten by buzzards and coyotes. I've gotta do something"

Then I remembered the old Lummi Nation indian tribe saying that says "If Sasquatch is ever captured, you must honor the lifeforce and lay it to rest at bottom of creekbed."

So, needless to say, being that I didnt want a whole bunch of Lummi indian spirits fucking with me for the rest of my days, I pulled the corpse of the creature down to the edge of the creek, tied a bunch of non-buoyant logs, maybe about 60 lbs each to its extremities with some bungy cords I use for work sometimes. Then I chucked him in the water, never to be seen again.

Luckily, to satisfy your curiosity and for my credibility, I first took a photo of the creature with my 8mp HD camera on my cell phone. I figured, if I didn't, there would be no way anyone would believe that I actually killed Sasquatch. I wouldn't believe it either.

Anyway, heres the proof below, taken on my 8mp HD camera. Just wanted to put to rest any doubts about my story.



















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alaric89

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Re: BREAKING NEWS: I captured Bigfoot.... for real!!!
« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2011, 02:23:11 PM »

What more proof could anybody ask?
Amazing how quick you got your van fixed I'll bet.

Turd Ferguson

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Re: BREAKING NEWS: I captured Bigfoot.... for real!!!
« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2011, 02:31:20 PM »

What more proof could anybody ask?
Amazing how quick you got your van fixed I'll bet.

Yeah,

Took it directly to the shop and they removed the old quarter panel, burned it in a barrel out back, and replaced it with a new one. Thats not weird is it?
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anarchir

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Re: BREAKING NEWS: I captured Bigfoot.... for real!!!
« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2011, 02:35:26 PM »

Did you name the Bigfoot? I suggest Patty.
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Turd Ferguson

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Re: BREAKING NEWS: I captured Bigfoot.... for real!!!
« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2011, 02:39:55 PM »

Did you name the Bigfoot? I suggest Patty.

Yeah, Patty came to mind, 4th on my list actually, but I realized it was a dude sasquatch, so I went with Luther instead. Patty's probably running around the woods somewhere wondering why her beau hasn't come home for lunch yet.

Poor Patty.
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alaric89

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Re: BREAKING NEWS: I captured Bigfoot.... for real!!!
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2011, 02:40:55 PM »

What more proof could anybody ask?
Amazing how quick you got your van fixed I'll bet.

Yeah,

Took it directly to the shop and they removed the old quarter panel, burned it in a barrel out back, and replaced it with a new one. Thats not weird is it?
You might have been attacked from the automotive body panel division of the Lummi Nation had you not did the sacrificial burning. Surely everyone knows that.

Bigfoots Irish?

Turd Ferguson

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Re: BREAKING NEWS: I captured Bigfoot.... for real!!!
« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2011, 02:51:19 PM »

What more proof could anybody ask?
Amazing how quick you got your van fixed I'll bet.

Yeah,

Took it directly to the shop and they removed the old quarter panel, burned it in a barrel out back, and replaced it with a new one. Thats not weird is it?
You might have been attacked from the automotive body panel division of the Lummi Nation had you not did the sacrificial burning. Surely everyone knows that.

Bigfoots Irish?

Well it/he had that ginger kid look about him, so im gonna say he's at least one quarter Irish.
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anarchir

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hellbilly

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Re: BREAKING NEWS: I captured Bigfoot.... for real!!!
« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2011, 06:05:18 PM »

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7D36Pwb6kY[/youtube]
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Turd Ferguson

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Re: BREAKING NEWS: I captured Bigfoot.... for real!!!
« Reply #9 on: May 03, 2011, 06:23:25 PM »

I miss that show.
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hellbilly

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Re: BREAKING NEWS: I captured Bigfoot.... for real!!!
« Reply #10 on: May 03, 2011, 06:27:43 PM »

Me too.. I hadn't ever heard of it til a few months ago. Zipped through all the episodes and then felt kinda empty :(
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Turd Ferguson

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Re: BREAKING NEWS: I captured Bigfoot.... for real!!!
« Reply #11 on: May 03, 2011, 08:59:34 PM »

Me too.. I hadn't ever heard of it til a few months ago. Zipped through all the episodes and then felt kinda empty :(

Yeah I did the same thing with the show Weeds.........felt horrible.

BTW, nice hair.
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cavalier973

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Re: BREAKING NEWS: I captured Bigfoot.... for real!!!
« Reply #12 on: May 04, 2011, 02:09:06 AM »

You were misinformed about how to dispose of a sasquatch's body: you're supposed to bury it with its head pointed toward Roswell.  Judging from your picture, though I'd say that its boobs peg it as female, unless it was a tranny.
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alaric89

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Re: BREAKING NEWS: I captured Bigfoot.... for real!!!
« Reply #13 on: May 04, 2011, 01:58:02 PM »

Probably was a tranny. Mike did you notice a Adams apple, you know, like Ann Coulter?
Now that tranny bigfoot is confirmed dead are the para- zoologist going to start doing regular science? Or will they use it as a excuse to ramp up their bullshit?
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Fred

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Re: BREAKING NEWS: I captured Bigfoot.... for real!!!
« Reply #14 on: May 04, 2011, 03:00:26 PM »

Maybe you just didn't realize it was a run of the mill alien......

« Last Edit: May 04, 2011, 03:24:57 PM by Fred »
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