Rules to live by-

[Defendant]

He's telling you, he'll punch you in the face.

I think that's beautiful advice.

[Defendant]

<<

I have a gargoyle sitting atop my chair.

Its very weird.

[Turd Ferguson]

If you knew what was healthy, you'd GTFO of there.

[Laetitia]

Never trust a woman. 

Never trust a womanly man.

Never trust a manly woman.

Will add these to the list, right after...

Never trust a man. They're all assholes, just to varying degrees.

[BonerJoe]

Getting drunk is an excuse for everything but murder and rape.

[Defendant]

Never trust a woman. 

Never trust a womanly man.

Never trust a manly woman.

Will add these to the list, right after...

Never trust a man. They're all assholes, just to varying degrees.

You know how they say "Behind every great man..."

That applies to assholish men, too.

[Defendant]

Next rule, never offer to change a tire for anyone. 

Ripping the heads off the bolts is far too easy. 

[BonerJoe]

That's why you gotta pound on the lugnuts with a hammer and socket to loosen up the corrosion first.

[Defendant]

Getting drunk is an excuse for everything but murder and rape.

Getting drunk is not an excuse for anything, but a catalyst for mayhem.

[Defendant]

That's why you gotta pound on the lugnuts with a hammer and socket to loosen up the corrosion first.

They come off fine.  Putting them back on, I didn't know they were slightly stronger than Boardwalk Taffy. 

Fuck foreign bolts. 

Back in my day, when cars were built by men, forged from steel, the threaded lugs would extend from the wheel - through the rim. 

Now they have these faggoty bolts that thread into the wheel assembly.  Goddamn cunts. 

[Defendant]

Read a book once in a while. 

...and not Facebook.

[Turd Ferguson]

Never bring a young child into a movie theater, unless it's one of those Boy In The Bubble types. Those are ok.

[Defendant]

Never bring a young child into a movie theater, unless it's one of those Boy In The Bubble types. Those are ok.

They make a good shield.

[Defendant]

If your name is Tatum O'Neil, never marry Channing Tatum.

Because, you're gonna be Tatum Tatum.  And if you're a big cokehead, like Tatum O'Neil, it'd be weird to hear Tatum Tatum Tatum Tatum Tatum Tatum Tatum Tatum Tatum Tatum, every time you walk into a party. 

[Turd Ferguson]

Never put cigarette butts in a urinal. It makes them soggy and hard to light.