Jokes

[Bill Brasky]

How do you get a homosexual to fuck a woman?

Fill up her cunt with shit!


--


Guy comes home from work, slams through the door and exclaims "Honey, great news!  Pack your bags, I've just won the Powerball!"

The wife says "Wow, my god!  Thats wonderful!  What should I pack?"

The guy says "I don't give a fuck, whatever you can carry, get the fuck out!"






(Thats some Gilbert Gottfried jokes, as much as I'd like to take credit for them..)

[alaric89]

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States' Capital this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason. They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capitol.
...
A search for a Virgin continues.

There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

[Turd Ferguson]

Two dudes are walking down the street and one guy turns to the other and says, "Ya know, I've been thinking about you a bit, and ya know what? You're a cunt. In fact, you've always been a cunt and in all likelyhood, you'll always be a cunt. As a matter of fact, if they had a contest for biggest cunt in the world, you'd almost certainly come in second"

Second guy replies, "Why not first?"





First guy says, "Because.......you're a cunt!"

[Defendant]

There once was a girl from Nantucket
who drilled a hole in a bucket
put it over her head
approached me and said
"If your dick was hard I would suck it."

[Defendant]

Bartender is standing in a bar, horse walks in.

Bartender says get the fuck out, you'll shit on the floor.

Horse says goddamn right I'll shit on the floor, I'm The Aristocrats!

[Dalebert]

A man stopped at the toy store on his way home to buy a present for his young daughter’s birthday. He asked the saleswoman if they had any Barbie dolls. “Sure,” she replied, “we have Gym Barbie for $19.99, Ballgown Barbie for $19.99, Shopping Barbie for $19.99, Nightclub Barbie for $19.99, and Divorced Barbie for $250.”

     The man was curious. “Why does Divorced Barbie cost $250 when all the others cost $19.99?”

     “Because,” replied the saleswoman, “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, and Ken’s furniture.”

[Dalebert]

How do you know your sperm count is high?

Your partner has to chew before they can swallow.

[Defendant]

So, I'm walking down the street with these two whores...