kids and fighting about food at dinner...

[Robin]

Drifter, thank you for the response. I can appreciate what you are saying. I was looking for ideas to get us on the right track and this thread gave me a lot to think about. Since this is kiddo number three and I never had this with the others it was just a totally new situation.

We of course had another eposide last night while we were out, but this time he ordered chicken nuggets and refused them so maybe it is a meat issue... so today were gonna try something different when dinner time comes around.

I am also getting the feeling it may be a control issue now as well, just the way he handles not wanting to eat the food so it might be another thing to work on too. We have to find a balance, he can run his own little world, but he will not be running my house!

[Bill Brasky]

I'm in the "don't force-feed the kid" camp, too.  But this place is on my shit-list and I'm done sugarcoating my responses, if I respond at all. 

You need to feed the boy, thats priority #1.  Having him conform to your ideal of dietary intake is not cool.  Eating is personal, its almost intimate although its done communally.  Little ones can't express themselves all that well, they only know they have a sense of revulsion with certain foods.  It could be associative, or it could be the actual taste.  It doesn't really matter.  When its for-sure, and not just a little blip on the radar, you have to accept it.  You can't talk them through the strong dislikes any more than you could un-convince him about something he really likes. 

So you sit him down and make a list of ten things that are easy to substitute.  He doesn't get a pass on the whole dinner, just the meat.  If you turn it into a big party-time for the kid he's gonna run with it, and you'll regret it.  He's likely to do that with everything.  In other words, you'll spoil him quick, and he'll learn to do that with everything. 

So the substitutes can't be like a big reward, just a reasonable substitute, like PB+J's, mac-n-cheese.  Nothing fancy.  And mix him up one of those Carnation instant breakfasts every once in while to keep his proteins balanced. 

Don't call any attention to it at the table, either.  Thats a reward mechanism to call it "special".  You just whip it out and put it there with zero commentary.  If I commented at all, I'd say we save money on feeding kiddo, his food is cheap, and we eat good.  That could turn his head around and get him back in the gang with certain meats. 

We've used an official "Try Something New" policy around here for awhile now. Kids have to try one bite of whatever dish they find suspect. (Spicy curries, chili and such are exceptions - I make a kid-friendly meal for them those night.) After they try one bite, they get to say what they like about it, make suggestions about how it could be changed to suit them better, or say "I really REALLY hate _______"

If it is something they don't like, the kids can have extra of the other parts of the meal, along with some cheese, fruit or a half sandwich. It's been pretty effective. There are fewer fights about that first bite when they then get to play food critic. There are things they never would have tried if not for that policy, that they ended up liking a lot.

Oven Roasted Cauliflower & Gnocchi is a prime example.
Apple Walnut Ravioli was another.

BTW, both of those are meatless meals, that the one must-have-meat-at-every-meal family member ate without even noticing what wasn't in the dish. (Recipes can be found at RealSimple magazine's website.)

You're sane.  Theres nothing wrong with having a "Fear Factor" approach to foods.  Your kids know you are a culinary artiste, so even if it seems/sounds fucked up, its most likely a win. 

But I doubt you'd apply a MUST TRY policy to something like meat dishes if one of your kids flat-out professed a serious hatred to something specific that has moral implications and ended up in tears while they choked it down.  I know you better than that.  He'd be exempt.  Because you're sane. 

---

I made pulled pork sandwiches in Jack Daniels sauce, threw a bunch of dry-rub brown sugar stuff in it.  Sick.  The trick with those is to burn it a tiny bit at the end, so the sauce caramelizes and takes on that burnt taste, then you just mix it up so the black is flecked in. 

Its like the smell of baby heads, except made of burnt pork, and you're allowed to eat it. 

[Robin]

anyone have a kid who despises pepper so much if they see any speck in their food that could possibly be one little flake of pepper the kid screams bloody murder about it??

[Laetitia]

But I doubt you'd apply a MUST TRY policy to something like meat dishes if one of your kids flat-out professed a serious hatred to something specific that has moral implications and ended up in tears while they choked it down.  I know you better than that.  He'd be exempt.  Because you're sane. 

Correct. Anything I know they're not ready for - like the spicy curries - or that they are completely creeped out by - brussels sprouts and the texture of the dark meat cuts of poultry... those nights I have an alternative. And, I also enjoy the heck of going heavy on heat & spices, since I know it's only for the adults.

anyone have a kid who despises pepper so much if they see any speck in their food that could possibly be one little flake of pepper the kid screams bloody murder about it??

Yep. My oldest and my youngest both did this for awhile. Middle child loves pepper. I started using white pepper. Not as much heat, but it does keep away the boring.

[Bill Brasky]

anyone have a kid who despises pepper so much if they see any speck in their food that could possibly be one little flake of pepper the kid screams bloody murder about it??

No.  Mine like pepper.  But there are alternating waves of like-dislike about plenty of things.  I can't keep track of it.  Like gravy on potatoes, my older one suddenly hates it.  So, no gravy for her I guess.  But stew is awesome.  And as we know, stew is made of gravy and hunks of edibles.  Pointing this out would be foolish. 

Usually when these things happen, we don't pay them much attention.  Push it aside.  I try to broadcast the menu in advance so they can object.  They're free to request a substitute, we can always fix up some leftovers or a can of soup, or whatever.  Its really not a big deal. 

[alaric89]

Anyone have a opinion about the other side of this conundrum? When does one wonder if a child overeats? If It is decided the kid eats to much what would you do about it? I ask cause I noticed kid #3 has a much bigger apatite than the other two did at 6 months.

[blackie]

I wouldn't worry about overeating unless it is crap food.

[Sam Gunn (since nobody got Admiral Naismith)]

I wouldn't worry about overeating unless it is crap food.

+1.

Just get them to do outdoor physical activities if you think they're getting fat.

[davann]

I'd go with what most have said already but include any extra dishes that result are for him to clean up. 5 years is old enough to do dishes. Might have to be double checked but he should at least go through the motions. Also, have him prepare the simple stuff like PBJs himself. That puts your foot down letting him know actions have consequences and you are in charge, not him. If he orders something at a fast food joint then refuses to eat it take it out of his allowance if he has one. If not, he has to work it off. Money don't grow on trees and all that.

Boy, kids today got it easy. Shaw's story, including the hourly spankings, is right out of my childhood. Although it didn't happen that often. An older brother to contend with for food almost insured every thing was gobbled up within a few minutes. Cooked carrots was about all that lasted in the serving dish for any amount of time. We both hated them.

[whiskeyleader]

The last time I checked your child lives under your roof.  They should eat a balanced diet.  It is your job to teach them that.  Dinnertime should not be open to debate and choices.  Be happy for what you recieve and live in kindness.  Don't give in to the child.