IAN FREEMAN, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me.
I want you to digest this because before I leave in 3 weeks with your HOME AND CAR,
I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.
I donít hate you, IAN . I donít even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people on the show. I hate this idea that youíre the best. Because youíre not. Iím the best. Iím the best in the world.
Thereís one thing youíre better at than I am and thatís kissing GCN'S ass. Youíre as good at kissing GCNís ass as DARYL was.
I donít know if youíre as good as "Dwayne" though. Heís a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is.
Whoops! Iím breaking the fourth wall!
I am the best FTL CALLER in the world. Iíve been the best since day one when I walked into this company. And Iíve been vilified and hated since that day because MARK saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit.
Thatís right, Iím a MARK guy. You know who else was a MARK GUY? JONNY RAY . And he split, just like Iím splitting. But the biggest difference between me and JOHNY RAY is Iím going to leave with the FTL AUIDANCE
Iíve grabbed so many of GCN ís brass rings that itís finally dawned on me that
there just that, theyíre completely imaginary.
The only thing thatís real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for almost six years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best on this microphone, ON FTL,, even in commentary! Nobody can touch me!
And yet no matter how many times I prove it, Iím not on your lovely little collector cups. Iím not on the cover of the program. Iím barely promoted. I don't get to be in movies. Iím certainly not on any crappy show on the USA Network.
Iím not on the poster of FTL . Iím not on the signature thatís produced at the start of the show. Iím not on Conan OíBrian. Iím not on Jimmy Fallon. But the fact of the matter is, I should be.
This isnít sour grapes. But the fact that You Assholes think youre better then me , and Iím not makes me sick!
Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big a part of me leaving as anything else! Because youíre the ones who are sipping on those collector cups right now. Youíre the ones that buy those programs that my face isnít on the cover of.
And then at five in the morning at the airport, you try to shove it in my face and get an autograph and try to sell it on Ebay because youíre too lazy to go get a real job.
Iím leaving with FTL AUDIENCE . And hell, who knows, maybe Iíll go defend it in New Japan Pro Wrestling.
MaybeÖIíll go back to Ring of Honor.
Hey, Colt Cabana, how you doing?
The reason Iím leaving is you people. Because after Iím gone, youíre still going to pour money into this company. Iím just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that.
IAN FREEMAN is going to make money despite himself. Heís a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why heís not a billionaire?
Because he surrounds himself with glad-handed, nonsensical, douche bag yes men, like johnny ray, whoís going to tell him everything he wants to hear, and Iíd like to think that maybe this company will be better after GCN is Gone. But the fact is, itís going to be taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law and the rest of his stupid family.
Let me tell you a personal story about GCN , alright? We do this whole anti-bully campaign , ,..
(Mic cut off.)